All I Want for Christmas is a Ginger Midget

If you haven't seen Sherlock Holmes yet, then you probably don't understand the title. First, I suggest you see Sherlock Holmes, because it was quite entertaining. Second, I know that Christmas is over, so don't criticize the title further, please and thank you.

I hope everyone had a lovely holiday, I know I did (except for the endish when I got really sick and had to stay home from work on Monday-I know, it was sooooooo, incredibly sad...I hope you detected sarcasm there with your Sherlock skillz).

But all that is beside the point. I'm here to talk some serious business. Remember a while ago when I mentioned that half of me (that half being the one writing at this moment) had never watched Buffy before in my entire existence? Oh no, see? Now you are upset again, I shouldn't have said that. Oh well, the past is the past.

Well, I have remedied that as of now. I have completed season 1 and am about 7 episodes in to season 2. Guys, this show is fantastic! What was wrong with me?! Thank GOD for Netflix!

I am still having a hard time figuring out who my favorite character is so far (I know I haven't met everyone yet since I'm still very early in the show), but I'll try and narrow it down for you. It's between three characters:




1) Willow - Well, it's Alyson Hannigan, and I love her, so of course she makes the list! Also, she cracks me up all the time, and I think if I were in junior high/high school I would have seriously related with her 'pining-for-the-guy-who-doesn't-like-you-back' thing. BUT! I just met Oz, sorta, so, I have hope!




2) Angel - Besides the fact that the guy is tall, dark and handsome, let's get something else straight. He's totally mysterious, and where there is intrigue, I WILL GO! Plus, his real name is Angellus, and that's almost the coolest thing I've ever heard.






3) Xander - I know this seems a little hypocritical of me, but I can't help myself. I find this guy hilarious. He makes me laugh in every episode. I don't really care that his eyebrows are funny looking, I mean, come on, haven't you seen Colin Farrell's brows? like whoa. Also, his new haircut is season 2 is seriously workin' for me, even if it does reveal his umm, ears. Yeah, so they stick out and are huge, but it's endearing.


There you have it. If only there was a ginger midget involved, I could die a happy person. Wait a second, I've had a thought. Could Seth Green be considered a ginger midget? Quite curious... ::slaps hand:: For shame!

Also, upon further review, it has been pointed out to me that my selection of three is basically half the cast at this point, so I'm fail with the narrowing of the list.

aha!

Silence is Golden.

It's days like today when I wonder why the hell I'm at work. I've been here for two and a half hours, the phone has wrung about three times, and I haven't needed to answer it once. No one has asked me to do sh#t, and I am entertaining myself with...stuff.

It is so quiet here, I can actually here my thoughts before I think them, and it's creeping me out. Half of the office is out today, the parking lot is basically empty, and you just know it's going to start ice-storming the second I get to leave. This is so ridiculous.

I'm sorry I'm complaining, I know I should be all happy because it's Christmas Eve. Well, ok, I AM happy, I just have found things to complain about as well. Let's do some pros and cons.

Pros:
-I get to leave early from work
-It's quiet so I can do whatever crap I want
-A three day weekend approaches

Cons:
-Possible ice-storm
-I'm bored
-It's freakin Christmas, can't I leave now?

Is the mail even coming today? I hope it does, because that will give me something to do.

Then again, I don't really want anything to do. Silence is my muse. I get to the point where I'm so incredibly bored that my brain dies a little, so that from the ashes arises a new idea or something to do about an old idea. I've had a little bit of that today, but I'm tired and don't feel like getting my creative juices flowing. They are stagnant and happy about it. Sometimes you just want to stare, you know?

::looks around the office::

The only problem is there is nothing to stare at. I live in this stupid little cubicle, looking at my stupid phone, paper clips and post-it notes all day. Eventually, this WILL drive me crazy. I'll give it three years. I think that's my threshold.

I wonder what that says about me? Does that mean I'd do awesome in solitary confinement? Would I be one of those people who emmerges from wrongfully convicted prison time with an abundance of knowledge and a plan to take over the world? or...OR would I go completely nuts and talk in riddles the rest of my life? Wait a second, I already talk in riddles, damn it.

The point is, I'm talking about silence here. What do you do in your silence? Do you think really loud? Or do you think quietly? Have you ever thought about the volume of your thoughts?? I know that sometimes when I am getting ready in the morning my thoughts get really loud and angry sounding. I don't know why, but it bothers me. Someday I'll figure out what it is about my morning routine that pisses off my thoughts so much, but that's for another discussion.

Do you enjoy your silence? Or are you a person who needs to fill it all the time? I haven't decided which I am, mostly because I like silence, only because I get to fill it all by myself. So, what does that make me? Ok, don't answer that.

When do you need silence most? I find that the times I need it are when I am trying to fall asleep, when I am trying to think of the words/tune to a song, and when I am trying to solve the world's problems (lol j/k about that last one, tricks are for kids).

You look confused. Oh, yeah, you think I should have included I need silence when writing. Actually, that's false. I enjoy listening to music, bashing my head into my desk, and definitly the sound of my own fingers hitting the keyboard. It's like a symphony, really.

The phone just rang. Fourth time all morning, and no, I didn't need to answer it. I just stared. :sigh:

I think that I might stray away from the silence topic for just a moment to address a serious issue. Yes, that's right, we need to talk about this Robin Hood trailer. You know? The one with Russell Crowe, directed by Ridley Scott. Oh wait, you thought that was for Gladiator 2? Sorry, but no such luck. It may look like the sequel, act like the sequel and probably smell like the sequel, but it's "an entirely different story". ::shakes head:: It looks like crap. I can't get over it, it just upsets me. Robin Hood IS NOT Russell Crowe (and believe me, I'm a fan of his). Robin Hood IS NOT dark and depressing. And most of all, it IS NOT Gladiator f*ckin' 2!!!

SO, without further ado, this Flat Tire letter goes out to Mr. Crowe and Mr. Scott:

When you conceived this idea, what were you thinking? Are you that dense? I know you guys are smart, but come on!! The reason people like Robin Hood is because he is charming, sneaky, hansome, cheeky, smart and giving. So, you took those ideas and came up with this crap?

http://www.aintitcool.com/node/43379

I have no words, you have literally taken them away from me.

So, now we are back to silence. Nice, huh?

aha!

Happy Holidays Everyone!!

I See You.

Well guys...no road trip needed. Avatar was incredible. Thanks James Cameron, you're the best!!

I've seen it twice, and I'm in love with it, I now find myself wanting to walk around and instead of saying hello, say "I see you", but not in a creepy stalker way, in the cool Avatar way. Yeah, like that.

Just one more comment about it, well it's more on James Cameron than the actual movie. Has anyone noticed his inclination to choose 'J' names in his movies for his male leads? Here is what I have noticed:

John Connor
Jack Dawson
Jake Sully

What do you guys think? I mean, it works for me. I love the 'J'-last name is Irish-combo. Man, it totally works for me. Mmm.

Other exciting things:

- Dollhouse keeps getting better and better, aren't you guys glad we have about three episodes left EVER...I hope you detected sarcasm there (about the amount of shows, not its quality).
-Christmas is coming soon, which means presents!!
-Christmas is coming soon, which means Sherlock Holmes!!

Sad news about Brittany Murphy, huh? I've only seen a handful of stuff she has done, but man, she sure was young.

Damn, now I'm depressed. I need something to make me feel better...

There's just something about punching Nazis that brightens my day.

aha!

P.S. OMG!! I just realized that today is our three month anniversary of starting this site! How exciting is that!? In celebration, I'm going to commit plagiarism (but not really cuz I'm crediting the person-but not really cuz I don't want to reveal his/her real name cuz it's the Internet and there are creepazoids out there.) Last week there was something called a rhyme off going on in the lead up to Avatar being released. Here is the best rhyme that I heard, by (codename) D-Rock ...all names have been changed...:

Titled "Avatar is Better than Onions"

"Where are we going, where will we eat?"
"D-Rock you pick." I'm in the back seat.
"Pizza, McDonalds, and Taco Bell!" I'll say,
Hillary gaze, through my soul, will respond "No way."
We'll go to some place, I won't like it deep down
I'll complain about my food, "D-Rock stop being a clown!"
Onions everywhere, how did they get in my hair?
The stench of the beasts start to fill the air.
"Onions are so good, you bimbo!" says Marcuz
"Fuk yo couch!" a sly remark I neglect to bark.

We leave in good spirits, except me I'll be crying
"Those stupid onions" I mutter, as I pout and start sighing
Batman comes up, somehow in a conversation
"Rachel!!!!!" Hillary blurts, a Two-Face imitation
The frustration of onions, dissipating through elation
Everyone's thoughts, now focused, on constipation
*Avatar* was the word I meant to put there
That would not have rhymed and would greatly impair,
The flow of this poem, but to you all I do swear,
The midsentence rhymes will stop, much too unfair

But good news I bring, not solely despair
Good reviews from some places, "What's that over there!?"
I point at nothing, "Made you look." Rhyming is hard.
The blue guys in the movie prolly need a green card.
"Excited, I am" I'll say before I buy a soda
The movie will be awesome! Why am I talking like Yoda?
"Explosions, love, and fantasy, what's better?" I share
"Porno" says Mr.Stud, with his finger in the air
"...Beer" declares Marcuz "and the color ash gray"
I nod in agreement and proclaim "Touché"
Alas I think it's time to say my final goodbye
With a song "I'm Blue, da ba dee, da buh die"

I Got 99 Problems...

and I'm hoping Avatar ain't one.

Tomorrow brings us Avatar, and yours truly cannot be more excited. No, really, I can't be. If I became more excited, the world would explode. Ok, so I exaggerate, but you get the point.

The point being, that I'm excited. I wasn't excited until those stupid Golden Globe nominations came out. Stupid. :sigh:

And now, look what happened? I'm excited. If this movie is anything less that what I want (and come on, don't we deserve it after a 12 year absence?), then I'm gonna be mega-pissed.

Do you see how angry he is? Can you feel it? That's how pissed I'll be. For real.

Now, if the movie kicks my ass into heaven, well, I'll probably look like this. And when I say probably, I mean most definitely.

See? Someone kicked my ass, and there is heavenly light shining down on my face, and I look...confused?? Eh, it doesn't matter, because I'm Harrison Ford.

BUT! If the move DOES suck in some weird dimension that only exists in a parallel universe, this is the master plan:

Step 1) Road trip!!

Step 2) Find James Cameron's secret hiding place.

Step 3) Try not to get caught.

Step 3) Take away his movie-making mojo, replacing it with a bag full of suck.

Step 4) Make a clean get away.

Step 5) Punch a Nazi.

Step 6) Hide the movie-making mojo in a safe place.

Step 7) Look sexy.

Step 8) And remind James Cameron to choose wisely next time.

Who's in?

aha!

The Great Debate

Behold, the most glorious conversation two 23 year-olds ever had...It actually consumed about 24 hours of time and intense thought. If you have theories one way or the other, feel free to jump in and give us your two cents! Before you read on, please make yourself aware of who Channing Tatum and Matthew Goode are. Oh? What's that? You'd like me to provide you with that information cuz you're lazy? Well, fine! I will!

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1475594/

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0328828/

Let the debate commence!!! (and we're not telling you who is who, hence the code names)


Ms. Goode-y-two-shoes: I just watched two trailers, "Leap Year" and "Dear John"... you know, i would take channing tatum OR matthew goode. now if I HAD to choose, that would be difficult

Tate-yum: wait, what are you talking about? i feel like i missed something
oh wait, you watched both previews, and are deciding between them, if you had to choose....damn it, thats hard.

Ms.Goode-y-two-shoes: yeah, it is. thankfully i won't ever have to make that decision because I don't think i could. wow, I REALLY don't know.

Tate-yum: ::thinks hard::
ok, pros and cons ... ...
goode: foreign and tall and dark
tatum: could be a little stupid
goode: could be a little stuck up
tatum: extremely well built and handsome

Ms.Goode-y-two-shoes: but stuck up could be fun

Tate-yum: however, goode would be more interesting on a minute by minute basis. plus, the accent

Ms.Goode-y-two-shoes: right, its a really challenging decision

Tate-yum: i think we should probably post this convo on the blog

Ms.Goode-y-two-shoes: lol, my relatives read the blog. that would be hilarious though

Tate-yum: uh yeah it would

Ms.Goode-y-two-shoes: my automatic reaction is to pick goode. but then I think about tatum, and forget why i picked goode in the first place ... ... until I think about his accent

Tate-yum: well, this sh#t is getting posted for sure. pick your name ...i'll be...

Ms.Goode-y-two-shoes: well we have not come to a conclusion yet

Tate-yum: so, we'll have to carry on later.

Ms.Goode-y-two-shoes: like, tatum seems like the one less likely to "fall in love", which makes it sweeter. but matthew goode has that book-worm thing going for him, which often coincides with passion. which is cool. anyway. to be continued.you have lunch in like, two minutes

Tate-yum: yes i know i do, balls.

...an hour and a half later...

Tate-yum: ok, con to tatum, he's married. while goode has the whole tall and articulate thing

Ms.Goode-y-two-shoes: right

Tate-yum: oh, tatum could totally strip dance for you, and that might be awkward with goode. but the awkwardness could also lead to hilarity. however, for laughs with tatum, all you'd have to do is ask him to scream like he did in "She's the Man"

Ms.Goode-y-two-shoes: i was gonna mention that, actually . the stripper thing is a little odd, i think. but he can dance. where as I can't see matthew goode dancing.

Tate-yum: correct. no dancing.

Ms.Goode-y-two-shoes: also. channing tatum is very intimidating with his shirt off. like, he looks so good that one could potentially feel self conscious

Tate-yum: um, i think you would be thinking about the fact that his shirt was off SO much, that you couldnt even have time to think about yourself? i mean, that's totally selfish, to think about yourself in that situation.

Ms.Goode-y-two-shoes: this is true. ha, and a waste of like, brain functioning.

Tate-yum: here is the problem i'm having: i feel like if i pick tatum, i am basing it on looks and
then i feel shallow. and if i pick goode, its because he's british, which is shallow in its own right and then i have another thought, this just might possibly be the most shallow conversation i have ever had. so why the hell am i being weirded out by the shallowness of my decision? riddle me that.

Ms.Goode-y-two-shoes: yeah, ive acknowledged and accepted this is one of the more vapid moments of my life, and basically thrown any guilt on the matter out the window and matthew goode is not only sexy because he is british.

Tate-yum: well then i guess we know who you are picking.

Ms.Goode-y-two-shoes: I didn't say that, i just was defending matthew. Channing Tatum isn't only sexy because of his abs either. though they do help his cause.

Tate-yum: damn it. i thought we were getting close

Ms.Goode-y-two-shoes: are you any closer?

Tate-yum: i think i'm at like 55% vs. 45% ...because everytime i think of that one scene from GI Joe with the rain and the glasses and the motorcycle, i have a moment

Ms.Goode-y-two-shoes: oh yeah! i forgot about that moment! crap! i mean
matthew goode as it a distinct disadvantage here though

Tate-yum: lol

Ms.Goode-y-two-shoes: because of the movies he has done

Tate-yum: yeah. i know. i think there are some basic questions we can answer that might help though.

Ms.Goode-y-two-shoes:im sorry, we have to pause this again. i have errands. ill be back on in like, an hour.

...several hours later...

Tate-yum: ok, so I have the questions, we'll each answer them and see where that leads us.

Ms. Goode-y-two-shoes: kk.

1) Who would be better in bed?
Tate-yum: Tatum
Ms. Goode-y-two-shoes: Goode
2) Who would you rather bring home to your parents?
Tate-yum: Tatum
Ms. Goode-y-two-shoes: Goode.
3) Who looks better dirty?
Tate-yum: Tatum
Ms. Goode-y-two-shoes: Goode
4) Who would age more gracefully?
Tate-yum: Goode
Ms. Goode-y-two-shoes: Tatum
5) Who is less likely to cheat on you?
Tate-yum: Goode
Ms. Goode-y-two-shoes: Tatum
6) Who could punch some guy out at a bar to defend your honor?
Tate-yum: Tatum
Ms. Goode-y-two-shoes: Goode
7) Who is less likely to give you herpes?
Tate-yum: Goode
Ms. Goode-y-two-shoes: Goode
8) Who would you like to go on a road trip with?
Tate-yum: Tatum
Ms. Goode-y-two-shoes: Goode
9) Who wouldn't snore?
Tate-yum: Tatum
Ms. Goode-y-two-shoes: Tatum
10) Who would smell better?
Tate-yum: Tatum
Ms. Goode-y-two-shoes: Tatum
11) Who has the better laugh? Smile?
Tate-yum: Tatum
Ms. Goode-y-two-shoes: Tied
12) Who would you be attracted to if he wasnt a movie star?
Tate-yum: Don't know.
Ms. Goode-y-two-shoes: Goode

Tate-yum: Well, I've made my decision after lots of Google research (the best kind). I pick Channing Tatum, for sure.

Ms.Goode-y-two-shoes: Me too. Err. No. I don't know, I can't decide.

Tate-yum: dude, it's been like more than 24 hours.

Ms.Goode-y-two-shoes: but i'm incapable.

Tate-yum: well, that's obvious to me now.

That's it, there is no more. It really was the Great(est) Debate, mostly because only one person could make up her mind, and that was after looking through a zillion pictures of Channing Tatum over a course of 45 minutes. If you simply must know which picture did in poor little Tate-yum, I will share it with you now...

aha!

Awards Season Has Arrived!

This morning brought about the announcements of the nominations for the Golden Globes, and I am here to give you the wrap up! I'm pretty happy with what/who was nominated this year, although I'll tell you about the depressing omissions as well.

I'm only doing the big, heavy-hitter categories, otherwise this blog would be as long as the award show itself.

Best Motion Picture, Drama

Avatar

The Hurt Locker

Inglorious Basterds

Precious

Up in the Air

I have yet to see Avatar and Up in the Air, but considering I didn't want to ever see Inglorious Basterds, and Precious sounds incredibly depressing and The Hurt Locker, well that looked sad too, I'm probably going to vote for the previously mentioned two I have yet to see.

Now I'm really stuck on the whole Inglorious Basterds thing, was it that good? I can't imagine it was, and I'm still not seeing it. ::shiver::

Best Motion Picture, Comedy or Musical

500 Days of Summer

The Hangover

It's Complicated

Julie and Julia

Nine

I have or intend to see all of these films except for Nine, because that doesn't interest me. I don't see how The Hangover could win (even though it was truly hilarious) against the awesomeness that was 500 Days of Summer.

Best Director

Kathryn Bigelow, The Hurt Locker

James Cameron, Avatar

Clint Eastwood, Invictus

Jason Reitman, Up in the Air

Quentin Tarantino, Inglorious Basterds

If Tarantino wins this, I'll flip my sh#t, I hate that guy.

Best Television Series, Drama

Big Love

Dexter

House

Mad Men

True Blood

Love me some True Blood, but I'm not sure it deserves the win here (not that I really watch any of the other shows nominated). So, here is what I'm confused about: House. Why is this still being nominated? I mean, seriously, every episode is the same, right? I don't watch it on a regular basis, and I'm not saying it's not good, but aren't there other really good television shows out there that deserve a nomination??? Of course there are, people are just lazy.

I mean, come on! Lost was pretty good last season...

Best Television Series, Comedy or Musical

30 Rock

Entourage

Glee

Modern Family

The Office

Oh my GOD! Glee (!!) is nominated!!!! Best.Day.Ever.

Honorable Mentions:

* Neil Patrick Harris for How I Met Your Mother

* Jane Lynch for Glee

* Lea Michele for Glee

* Matthew Morrison for Glee

* Anna Paquin for True Blood

* Up for Best Animated Feature Film

aha!!

My Cucumber Is Pickled

Got to give it up to Bill O'Reilly, he keeps dishin' out the lolz...

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ynews/20091211/en_ynews/ynews_en1030

I mean...really? We're really gonna pick on "Law & Order" now? What really gets me here, is that you played the clip in which you were supposedly portrayed badly. wtf is wrong with you?

It's like your brain has taken a leave of absence on account of your general stinkatude and stupidity. That reminds me of line from "Firefly"...

Excuse me, sir, but I think you have a problem with your brain being missing.

I don't even have anything else to say, I'm at a loss for words.

Except for "Avatar" comes out next weekend!!

aha!

My Murtaugh List

Today I will be giving you my own personal Murtaugh list. If you are unsure as to what that means, I will direct you here. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Murtaugh_(How_I_Met_Your_Mother)

Except, mine will be slightly different. It will consist of things that I have never done/have never happened to me, that seem to happen to everyone else. So, if you're still confused about the name of the list, I'm sure it not being an ACTUAL Murtaugh list doesn't help, I'm sorry for that (no I'm not, go read a book).

I have never/never had...

1) Stapled my finger.

2) Got something (like food) lodged in my sinuses.

3) Had stiches for something other than a surgery (to date only the stiches after my wisdom teeth can be included here).

4) Cut my fingers/hands while opening a can.

5) Fully functioning headlights.

6) The ability to light a match.

7) Slept through an entire night.

8) Owned an iPod (or any other Apple product).

9) A bloody nose (unless you count it getting hit extremely hard so that it bled for a short time, but I dont really count that one, cuz it was forced).

10) Swine flu (it appears like a lot of people have had this, and I, still, have not!)


If you have never had these things either, I want to congratulate you on being like me! Although I suppose that the numbers of how many people can check each of the things on my list are very small. And yes, I KNOW its weird that I don't have an iPod or something like it, so stop looking at me like that.

Since I misled you into thinking there would actually be a real Murtaugh list, I guess I'll give you one now...Here is my "I'm too old for this sh*t" list.

1) Watching anything on the Disney channel.

2) Walking around stores like Toys R Us without an actual purpose (like buying a present for your little cousin)...you dont want to get arrested.

You know what? I'm having a hard time coming up with anything else. Maybe I'll try this again when I'm a bit older. Although, you guys know I'll be just like Barney in that episode of HIMYM and I'll try to do all those things in 24 hours...and I'll end up looking like this:

Classic.

aha!

In Theory...

Today let's discuss things that are good/bad in theory, but completely the opposite in reality. Now, this is just my opinion, it is not based on scientifcal (hah nice word) factoids.

In theory _______ is/was a good idea.

1) Mullets. Yes, in theory the old saying of business in the front, party in the back is a fantastic idea, however, when it comes to execution, this idea is super fail, unless its for Halloween, then it's awesome.

2) Communism. If you have taken a sociology class, you would have learned that in theory, this seemed like a good idea, but obviously, it was never executed correctly, since being called a Commie is an insult, and people apparently like to shoot communism in the face in places like, ohhhh, Texas.

3) "Alexander". The idea of this movie was so exciting. I mean, just look at the cast, and you'll understand. However, while watching it, I realized I hated it so much that all I wanted to happen was for Colin Farrell and Anthony Hopkins to die so that I could go home and get drunk to forget about the most shiteous movie my eyes have ever bled after watching.

4) Winter. Yup, in theory, having seasonal changes is a good idea. I don't agree.

5) Darkly colored highlighters. There are only so many colors that are on the lighter side of the scale, and sometimes you just need one more color when you are color coding something. However, when you start highlighting something in purple, you kind of f#ck yourself over...cuz you can't read what you highlighted.

6) Sun-In. You know that stuff you can put into your hair so that it looks like you have been in the sun a lot...I think its supposed to give you blonde highlights. Don't believe it. It makes your hair orange. Nobody wants orange hair...except for Leelu Dallas of course, but she's awesome. Let's just say I couldn't rock the orange hair on my multi-pass.

7) Fake Tanning. Pretty much the same reasoning as above.

8) "House of Wax". In theory, any movie with Jared Padalecki should be the greatest idea EVER. However, upon execution, this idea became traumatic and nightmarish. It was hard to close my eyes for two days and not see his skin peeling away from his, well, I guess it was his face.


In theory ______ is/was a bad idea...

1) Eating a bag of potato chips. This seems like a bad idea, but once you do it, it was the best idea you had all day.

2) Guacamole. You look at it, and it's green. Gooey. Green. But, you are brave and take a bite. Then, you will eat the entire bowl of gooey green ginormous deliciousness.

3) Doing anything that pertains to building after 2:00 AM, like maybe putting together a book shelf. You'd think it would have collapsed by now, but maybe my hammering skillz are exceptional.

4) Reading the "Twilight" series. Your friend tells you its about vampires, but you should still read it because its good, so you do. Then you read the first book in a day, and your life becomes focused on it for a good six months. Then its over, and you look back and think about how you were probably drunk for six months straight, and that's how you rationalize to people. Alcoholism...for six months. Yes, exactly. ... ... ... But you should still read it, cuz its good.

5) Watching more than one television show about vampires. Haven't found one that I don't enjoy yet!!

6) Credits cards to your favorite stores. You'd think that this would lead you to buy lots of things that you don't want. However, in reality, it leads you to buy lots of things you do want (and maybe need), for which you don't have to pay...until you get the bill...

7) "Rock of Love". We're talking about the first couple seasons here, they were awesome. Some of the worst television I have ever seen, but hey, I watched it!!

8) "Christmas Cottage". In theory, this movie should have been a waste of my time (even though the godlike Jared Padalecki was in it). However, after it was finished, I can't stop myself from quoting it at least once a day. Maybe Jared is up to something. Perhaps he really does know a memorable film when he sees one. Oh Jared, oh clever clever Jared.

There you have it. Good ideas that turned out bad and bad ideas that turned out good. It's kind of like what Forest always says "Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get."

Oh, which reminds me. I'm adding boxes of chocolates that are unidentifiable to the list of good ideas that went bad. It's so misleading and severely depressing when the delicious treat you put in your mouth ends up tasting like that really gross bug Bear Grylls ate that one time that burst out towards the camera and he made that face that instantly conveyed "that was a horrible mistake".

For those of you who are strong of stomach, I urge you to watch the corresponding video to fully understand the face. The action starts around 1:00. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QuB3kr3ckYE

Until later!!


aha!

Thanksgiving, Black Friday, and The Christmas Season

So today is the most hallowed day of the year for bargain shoppers, thrifty individuals, and generally anyone who has a death wish. That’s right, it’s black Friday. A day that I usually spent holed up indoors because I fear for my safety in any semi-public place. And the ironic thing is that I love a good deal. I rarely buy anything full price (Except makeup) and suffer from anxiety if I pick anything up that is NOT marked down. So much so that by the time I reach the checkout counter, I put the stupid item back because I have so much guilt about dropping that much cash on something I can buy on sale in three weeks (If a) I remember and b) it’s still in stock). But I find black Friday so stupendously intimidating I rarely even venture out my front door. If I do, it is usually to eat, and during non peak times. Like, 3pm. Seriously, I really don’t like crowds.

The one thing that Black Friday has going for it, is that all the Christmas sales have earned their title. It is, after all, *after* Thanksgiving and technically part of the holiday season. You know what *doesn’t* qualify as the holiday season? September 22^nd. Which happens to be the first day of autumn and also the day that Macy’s thought it was a good idea to put up their Christmas decorations (I can add this to the ever growing list of why Field’s was better than Macy’s. All you Chicagoans know what I mean when I say this). I am sorry, September is NOT part of the Christmas season. It’s not even part of the Thanksgiving season. Hell, it only barely squeezes into normal Halloween preparation time. This is getting ridiculous. Soon they are gonna have Santa’s on sale in July.

And I like Christmas! I am listening to Josh Groban’s Noel as I write this. Because it is after Thanksgiving and therefore socially acceptable to listen to carols now (Note: this is not okay in months where some of or all of the days of that month days are still considered summer, Macy’s). But something exists that is called too much of a good thing. Like egg nog for instance (which went on sale at Schnucks the day after Halloween. ::rolls eyes:: ). It is a seasonal drink. Meaning egg nog is great Christmas through New Years. The end. I cannot imagine drinking the stuff in say, June. I mean, ew. But this concept can apply to all things holiday related! I don’t want to be seeing snowflakes plastered on windows when I am still in denial about it getting cold in the first place. By the time it actually snows, I’m gonna be sick of the stupid stuff already. Just like if I hear Christmas carols starting in October, by the time December rolls around I’m going to want to sock any wayward caroler in the face. And it is so not the caroler’s fault that I want to gouge out my ear drums every time I hear jingle bells because it has been playing at Schnucks since before Halloween. The caroler does not deserve to be punched.

…Okay, confession. Despite all this ranting, I am really excited for the next month (which, now that I mention it is totally enough time to devote towards one holiday. We hardly need three, Macy’s ). I love the candles I can now start to burn. I love the tiny tree I get to put up in my apartment (with a lovely skirt that is actually a skirt. Like, that I wear), I love the holiday book donation at Barnes and Noble. I love buying Christmas presents (just not on black Friday) and I love getting Christmas presents. And I love Thanksgiving because it designates the time where I can actually start thinking about these things without feeling like I am severely jumping the gun.

And, in the spirit of Thanksgiving I thought this was worth mentioning: It saddens me that we only have one day a year where we are meant to express gratitude. I feel like setting aside one specific day a year for thanks is sending the message that we can ignore it the rest of the year. But it is/was Thanksgiving, and I am thankful for much. I am thankful for my new computer, and awesome tv shows (Even when they kill my favorite characters). I am thankful for good movies, and also bad movies, because sometimes the bad movies are the ones that are the most fun to watch. I am thankful for the sun, and for the clouds for without the clouds we wouldn’t know how special the sun is. I am thankful for French fries, coke products, and also peanut butter. I am thankful for my health, and the health of those around me. Paramount to all of this, I am thankful for my friends and family. You are all what make this crazy journey amount to anything, and I am thankful today, tomorrow, and every day of the year that you are in my life.

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In My Time of...Awesome

Hey all!

SOOOO sorry about the lack of posts this week (although I'm not sure if anyone cares, but whatevs). I've been super busy at work and everything else. However, there is good news.

We will talk about said good news in chronological order, otherwise I might explode.


8:00 pm last night: Glee! I only have one thing to say: "I have to go or they'll think I'm pooping". Those writers are amazing, I'm filled with jealousy.

8:15 am this morning: The Today Show...ROBERT PATTINSON was on. Jesus Christ what a good way to start off the day.

8:00 pm tonight: Supernatural!!!!! Dean and Jo KIISSSsss!!!! I think my heart is going to explode. (Edit on 11/20 -- My heart did explode, but for different reasons than expected. I sobbed for about an hour straight. Eff Kripke and his evil soul, why did you take away my happiness? Why?!)

9:50 pm tomorrow: New Moon!!!! Do I need to say anything else? I didn't think so.

7:00 pm Wednesday the 25th: Going to Arizona!

Thanksgiving: Omg foooooooood. So. Much. Food.

Black Friday: Shopping?

So, there you have it, all chronologically laid out. It's like an awesome itinerary of awesome.

Ok, I'll stop.

I just want to tell you how much it hurts to get a paper cut right on the knuckle of your thumb. Sometimes, I hate my job for no other than one reason: paper cuts. I'm so serious. I hate it. Not the hours, the everyday boring, the fact that I'm the bitch of the office...no, it's the paper cuts.

::looks down at thumb::

Its all red and staring at me. I can hear the file back in the fileroom laughing at me. I am the mistress of the files, and they loathe me. So what do they do in retaliation when I wake them from their slumber? They cut me. Effing file slaves, I should just light the place on fire. I would love to hear them then...begging for their lives as the pages within them go up in flames. muahahahaha. ::shakes fist::

Also. Someone brought cashews into the office. There is like a tub of them sitting in the kitchen. I want to eat them so badly. I haven't yet, but they call to me. Stupid delicious cashews.

I really have nothing else to say. My mind is now blank. I'm too anxious for the weekend to start. I literally can't think.

Need. Distraction. now.

Hey, has anyone else noticed how twitchy Kristen Stewart is when she's, well, being herself? It makes me think she needs help.


Edit on 11/20: This was my happiness, and now it is gone. Don't Judge Me.



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A Little Redundant, Don't Ya Think?

Today we will discuss things that are redundant that bother me (and maybe other people too). I know its not the most interesting of all topics, but keep reading and you might be rewarded.

I don't like it when people have multiple dogs of the same breed. It bothers me. Pinpointing the exact cause of this example is difficult, because it is somewhat irrational and stupid. No offense to any of you out there you have more than one dog of the same breed, btw. I love dogs too, it's just that I would never have like...a copy of one running around?? I mean, having the same breed at different times is ok (like if one dies, and you acquire another), but there is just something about seeing someone walk two of the same dogs around the neighborhood that drives me bonkers. I think it is the repetitive nature of the thing, but I couldn't be sure. I don't think most people know this about me, so there you have it!!

I don't like it when an actor dies in a similar fashion in multiple movies. It bothers me. Once again, its hard to put my finger on the exact reason for this pet peeve. Example: Jared Padalecki. Not only does he die via getting his skin ripped off (because of a sandstorm) in "The Flight of the Phoenix", but he dies in a similar fashion in "House of Wax", when his skin gets peeled off by one of his jackass friends after he is encased in wax. ::shiver:: I need to go to my happy place for a moment, brb. ... ... ... ok, I'm back. Anyway, I know there are other examples of this kind of thing, it's just that this example is fresh in my mind because I watched one of the movies this weekend. The sad part of this story was I watched "Flight of the Phoenix" because I suddenly remembered Jared Padalecki was in it, but then remembered too late that he died...then remembered really really too late the manner in which he died. I'm such a fail.

I don't like it when authors (or anyone for that matter) uses the same word twice and back-to-back in a sentence. It bothers me. Almost everyone does it...except me of course. You know what I'm talking about, right? I can't give an example, because I refuse to type it. It's just too repetitive and makes my eyes bleed. I get super angry and hulk out. I do avoid those types of sentences at all costs. If I have a thought that requires a repetitive word, I will change the entire paragraph (if needed) just so I don't have to type the same word twice. I know its crazy, but I can't change what bothers me.

I don't like it when TV stations play the same episode of a show back-to-back. It bothers me. I mean, seriously, what the hell.

I don't like it when people tell me the same UN-funny stories over and over again. It bothers me. Mostly this happens with the elderly or people at work, so I can't tell them to shut the hell up, but it also happens on News Networks. BUT in that case I can just change the channel. If only there was a mute button for people...

Are you just as amazed as I am about how many things which are repetitive in nature bother me? I wasn't really aware of this until I sat down to write this entry. Maybe I'm more eccentric than I first thought. or...OR

wait...I just did that. Oh, I figured it out. There is an ellipsis between them. See, an ellipsis actually soothes my mind, which is why I use them so much. I'm addicted to their use, and I have been trying to ween myself from them, but it's just.so.hard.

Ah, review time!!
Went and saw "2012" this weekend. Totally go see it, it's worth it. The special effects were great, and it was a lot of fun. I just really enjoy end of the world movies, plus this one counts as a "Waterworld" prequel, which makes it even better. Also? Woody Harrelson eats pickles, lots of pickles.

I guess its time to reward whoever finished the post.


OOHhhhh, I see how it is. You thought you were going to get a picture of hot guy, didn't you? DIDN'T YOU!?!?! I see I have conditioned you well, grasshopper. However, one COULD argue that the above picture is of Jared Padalecki.

WHAT?! You don't agree!? Bitch, please.


See? Puppy.

aha!

It's been a bit of a busy week. My sister got the Swine flu (but I'm ok, yay!) and I can't really remember everything else, but trust me, it was hectic. Thank goodness it's Friday!

In my boredom, I've produced the following.

Challenge: Everything must rhyme. Sick Days.

When one is sick
and terribly ill
other people they shouldn't lick
please just take a pill

Soon you will feel better
but before you do
read this little letter
and always eat stew

Soup is often helpful
medicine usually works
a blanket that is lovable
and TV all day are definitely perks

Reading helps you rest
unless the book is action-packed
Then put Vick's vapor upon your chest
or drink booze and get sacked

Plenty of tissues you will need
as well as hydrating liquids
you can try to drink tea
or go on eBay and make bids

Doctor appointments might save you
if the diagnoses is correct
or it could be your doom
...nobody's perfect

They say to take vitamins
and eat an apple everyday
I say kick small children in the shins
and hide to keep the cops at bay

When you're sick don't stay up late
unless its for good reason
like googling GG's Nate
or buying new shoes for the season

Into bed you must climb
with remote in hand
soon you will feel fine
and be able to stick your toes down in the sand

Or...OR just avoid getting sick
and forget about this note
then people you may lick
and for Sarah Palin never vote.

The end.

Good advice, right? Plus it all rhymes, so you know it's awesome.

Everyone have a lovely weekend!

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Matchmaker, Matchmaker...

No, I'm not going to start singing "Fiddler on the Roof" to you, although that's tempting...

It's really that I'm feeling inspired by the news of Jensen Ackles' recent engagement to Danneel Harris (Rachel from "One Tree Hill"). So, I decided to compile several lists of best and worst celebrity couples. As you'll notice a few people make both lists. Some of these couples are a little dated, but man were they epic.


WORST
Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez -- Bad, just bad. Especially because through this pairing was born "Gigli"...::shiver::

Britney Spears and K-Fed -- What a mess. What happened here? I mean, really?

Angelina Jolie and Billy Bob Thorton -- Weirdness. All I have to say is that blood vial thing was really bizarre.

Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Presley -- This still makes no sense to me.

Lindsay Lohan and Anyone -- Is there anyone out there who wants to argue with me?

BEST
Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie -- Yay for saving the world one child at a time. Plus, they are both gorgeous, the world deserves some beautiful babies.

Heidi Klum and Seal -- They are too cute and keep poppin' out the little ones, it's actually quite amazing. Plus, their Halloween costumes every year are adorable.

Reese Witherspoon and Jake Gyllenhaal -- Love both of them to death, and hope they can keep makin' it work.

Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck -- He redeemed himself here with adorable children and what seems like a very normal relationship. Well done, Ben.

Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson -- They have been married since 1988 and are still going strong. Plus, Tom Hanks is awesome. I mean, who doesn't like Tom Hanks?

Please Never Marry Because I Don't Want You To
Jared Padalecki -- Come on knock on my door...I've been waiting for you...Besides, a world where Jared is married isn't a world worth living in (in my opinion...no, I take that back, it's fact, definitely fact).

George Clooney -- C'mon, he's a famous bachelor, if he ever got married the world might end.

Paris Hilton -- I'm just being practical here, and doing a favor for Child Protective Services everywhere.

That's all I got for now on that front.

Important things to come! Remember that "2012" opens this weekend, you know you want to see John Cusack make funny faces as the world crumbles around him! The second episode of "V" is on tonight (finally a show on Tuesday!), so I'm excited for that. I'm nearing the end of the shiteous book I have been reading, so I'll finally be able to throw it in the dusty pile under my bed!!

Oh! Lastly. I was bored and on Netflix (awesome combo btw), so I decided to watch this series I had never heard of that was cancelled after the first season. I was really hoping it was going to be terrible, but I ended up liking it. So, if you're ever bored, I suggest "Moonlight". Now, please don't go reading what it's about, it will only make you think less of me. But, seriously, the guy who is the lead? :swoon:

Well, here he is all crazied out, and it looks like he is going to eat someone...but believe me, you WANT him to eat you.

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Total Titular Failure

I'm feeling inspired today. So, I have decided to list some of the worst titled movies or books ever and rename them (even if I haven't seen/read them). Why am I doing this? Well, one: I'm bored, two: because I can, three: haven't you always wanted to do it?

1) "The Human Stain" (2003) -- Poorly thought out. No, I haven't seen this movie, even though it looks like an awesome cast. I just...there is a picture in my head of what that the title means, and its rather immature, so I won't share. What would I rename it? Ch-ch-check it! "Anthony Hopkins Kills: Again".

2) "Free Willy" (1993) -- Mm. Somehow, this title reminds me of the above title....somehow. Enough said? Ok! New name: "Save The Whales Or They'll Eat You".

3) "The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford" (2007) -- Here is when you know you did wrong: when the blogger would rather google Brad Pitt and do copy/paste into the blog of your title than type it out. For Serious. Also, I don't care that it was based off a book with the same name or something, it's called creativity, try it. Or, you can take a look at another movie which gave away it's plot in the title with only a single word, "Titanic". But let's face it, this movie was kind of boring, and a little weird. So, we'll call it: "Why Did I Watch This If I Knew Brad Pitt Dies?"

4) "Sssssss" (1973) -- Apparently, this is a movie about snakes. I really hope no one got paid for it. Can you imagine trying to buy a ticket for this movie? You would totally sound like a dumb ass. So, we retitle this film, "If You Feel Like A Dumb ass, See This".

5) "The Day After Tomorrow" (2004) -- Now, the problem (that I have) with this title is this: there are two ways to interpret it. The first is the day after tomorrow, like today is Friday, tomorrow is Saturday, which means the day the title is talking about is Sunday. The other way is this... The Day After: Tomorrow. Now, this interpretation means Saturday...which would be the day after today...as in the destruction happens the day after today, or maybe its the destruction happens today and the world wakes up the day after (being tomorrow) and yells a collective WTF!? No one knows. Anyways, I guess its time to rename it...let me think for a moment. Ah, yes. "Crappy Fake Wolves and Cold Libraries Are Your Future After Tomorrow".

6) "Serenity" (2005) -- Don't kill me, I love this movie. However, you have to admit that most films of this genre tend to have spectacular names like Star Wars or Star Trek...epic stuff. This title could easily be mistaken for a debut film starring Serenity, the buxom blond with boobs the size of Texas. Anyways, a far more practical title could have been, "We're Kick Ass: Eat It Fox". But that's just me.

7) "Saving Private Ryan" (1998) -- Also a good movie. However, this is a nightmare for someone with Dyslexia. Let's call it, "Where The F#ck is Matt Damon".

8) "xXx" (2002) -- As previously made note of, you really can't just put several consonants together and expect us to applaud your title. Really, you can't. Don't get me wrong, this movie was definitely bad ass, but they probably could have called it "Fill Me Up With Diesel, Vin", and just as many people would have gone to see it.

9) "The Wiz" (1978) -- I have to pee. Never saw this one, and I don't think I will, because it makes me think of the best pee ever. You know what? Next time I'm drunk and I think I'm having the best pee ever, I'm going to actually name it The Wiz, yeah I am. For those of you who watch How I Met Your Mother, I name this "Tantrum".

10) "Jennifer's Body" (2009) -- Although this movie was actually pretty good, now that I have seen it, I'm not sure I understand the title. When I saw the previews, it all made sense, however, the title doesn't really apply. Well, sure Megan Fox is really hot, but the story isn't all about her body. No, it's not. Plus, when you had to buy a ticket, you were forced to say something like "I want to see Jennifer's body", or "one ticket to Jennifer's body"...and that just makes me feel like a perv. But really, I would have seen it if it was called "Megan Fox is F#cking Crazy". Ok, pretend you are buying a ticket now. "I'd like to see Megan Fox is f#cking crazy please." Yeah, I'd pay to see that.

And that completes the list! Of course there are others, like "Eegah" and "Gigli", which sound more like siblings than films, but whatevs. Just remember to give all your stories fabulous names so I don't make fun of them! It takes some time and maybe even some thought, but good titles are out there. Whether you go with a one word classic, a two word adjective/noun pair up, or a phrase worth a million bucks, never give up!

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Road Trip!?

Hello All!

It has been decided that I am taking myself and I (both halves) on a road trip. Granted, its not until May-ish, but planning is the love of my life (at least when its about something fun). There will be many adventures, and I have to decide on how to document them in the best way possible to post on this blog. Since we fully intend to NOT post pictures of our faces here, we have to figure out how to accomplish a successful road trip photo session sans above the shoulders. If you have any ideas, please fill us in. We enjoy suggestions...as long as they aren't immature and of delinquent nature (lol who am I kidding, send in any ideas).

Also, if anybody has any suggestions of where to stop in a cross-country adventure, feel free to let us know.

Though we have already set out some guidelines:

1) We will be taking a GPS, but it will be under lock and key, reserved for only 'emergency situations'
2) We will be bringing some of our own food so we don't die of heart attacks mid-trip thanks to diner food
3) There will be no sleeping in the car, we have over-stimulated imaginations
4) If we are going to get arrested, we have to plan to do it in an area where we won't end up in a scary jail (you know, like in Arkansas or something...creepy)
5) We will never get lost, as long as we stay in the continental United States, we're totally cool

I can hear some of you already thinking to yourselves, are you seriously not using the GPS? I answer you. Yes. GPS's are for pansies. Besides, we don't intend on getting ourselves into one of these plotlines:


(from DELIVERANCE...we'll try to run if banjos appear)



(from THE HITCHER...I really hope one of us doesn't get torn in half by a psychotic Sean Bean)



(from WRONG TURN...this is probably plausible)




(from REST STOP...if we don't drink too much Tantrum, we shouldn't have to pee every two miles)

Yes. I think we can avoid most of these fates. Besides, we're awesome.

However, there is one scenario we are kind of hoping for:


...wait, no that's not quite it...wait for it...


...eh funny but not what I had in mind...closer...this next one should be it...


Dean: Holy crap!
Sam: Did you see those two chicks drive by in that Rav-4?!
Dean: Did you get their plates?
Sam: No.
Dean: Sonofabitch!!

Perfect. A girl can dream.

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A Special Halloween Treat

Hello readers! I have a special treat for you. In honor of Halloween, I am posting a small portion of "Something Wicked: The Witch Within", one of the many projects I am currently working on. This is a scene taken from the annual high school Halloween dance (hence the timing of this post!).

So, without further ado:





He offered his hand, “Would you care to dance?”

“No!” I hissed, stricken with horror.

He eyed me carefully, calculating. “What if we make a deal?”

“What kind of deal?”

He arched one of his eyebrows and gave a cool smile. “The good kind.”

I pursed my lips at him. “What’s in it for me?”

He lowered his voice so that no one else could hear. “I’ll let you in on a secret of mine.”

While the idea of dancing in general was not a concept I typically relished, and the idea was made doubly bad by dancing with volatile Jaeden, the promise of learning one of his closely guarded secrets was tantalizing, impossibly so.

I sighed. “Alright, just one, okay?”

Before I could breathe a word more, he had swept me onto the dance floor. The music stopped then slowed. Lovely. A waltz. How awkward can this get?

I held my hands on his shoulders, his hands were tightly placed on my waist. “So, what is it you’d like to tell me?”

His gaze swept over the other couples dancing, “Days and nights has thirty-one, on Hollow’s Eve his work be done. The night brings forth such things hidden, till morning comes to do a witch’s bidding.”

I opened my mouth with the intent of insulting his poorly rhyming limerick, but my words died on my lips.

The lights in the room flickered, and the music skipped, once, twice, and then was silent. Jaeden smiled at me, and I started to shift nervously.

“Uh.”

As I peered up into his face, something changed. Pinpointing it exactly was difficult, but his smile faltered, and his normally handsome face turned twisted and ugly. Something that could be easily identified was the color of his usually clear blue eyes. As his gaze turned ugly, so too did his eyes turn black. Beetle black.

“Your eyes…?”

He laughed, “Don’t look so disturbed, Em. It’s tradition. I’m just having a little fun."

I could no longer tell where his gaze was directed. He looked on, wickedly. I released his shoulders, suddenly wanting to be far, far away from him.

“This doesn’t exactly seem like fun, Jaeden.”

Suddenly, and despite the distinct lack of music, he twirled me around. He kept me spinning, so fast and so frantically I could not stop. His powerful hands clasped mine above my head, and I was forced to turn. The room rushed by me as I was spun in sickening circles. Every turn I would see his face. With every passing glimpse, his expression twisted his features to become more and more unrecognizable. After a mere moments, what I saw was horrifying. His eyebrows were arched to abnormal proportions, his grin turned upwards in an inhuman fashion. His eyes remained coal black, and the veins surrounding them throbbed and protruded with dark blood, black roots growing from a bottomless void. They slowly made their way down his face. His nose seemed to be slightly more pointed than usual, as if it had grown. He showed his teeth, they looked as if they had been sharpened to fine points. I gasped at what I was seeing. He no longer looked human. He looked exactly like what he was.

A witch.

Deciding then and there I didn’t like his secret very much, I broke free from his grasp. Feeling like I might throw up, I ran zig zaggedly for the doorway of the gym. The world was still spinning and I had trouble walking a straight path. I bumped into a few people as I went. I apologized, but no one responded. In fact, no one did anything at all. I steadied myself, and looked around. Something was wrong. Something was definitely, very wrong.

Everyone’s faces were ashen, their lips almost black. I stood with my back to the door, frozen in shock. I cast a look at Jaeden, who continued smiling at me, deranged and terrible looking.

Suddenly, and in perfect unison, they all turned their faces towards me. Every person, every solitary being in that gymnasium, was staring at me with dead and hollowed eyes sunken into blank expressions. They all looked ill, as if their life was slowly draining away. Yet, they didn’t seem to feel any pain. Their eyes were empty, as if their essence, what one may call a soul, had left their bodies.

Then, to my rapidly escalating horror, collectively, they opened their mouths. Their bottom jaws dropped, as if unhinged, making a creaking sound that echoed in the now totally silent gym. I don’t know that any of them were breathing or even alive, but their mouths were hanging, open, and they were staring at me.

Each person in the room sucked in a breath, rattling like wind passing through an open window. I jumped.

In complete harmony, as if it had been rehearsed, they started to speak. “Isn’t this fun? Aren’t you having fun? Em? Where do you think you’re going?”

If I wasn’t already before, now I was most certainly scared. I wished he would stop this. I couldn’t find a voice with which to speak, so I rested my hand on the handle of the door, ready to spring it open.

I cleared my throat,“Stop it Jaeden.”

A horrible, creaking noise emanated from my classmates mouths. Laughter.

“Jeaden, that’s enough. You’ve had your fun.”

The laughing grew louder. It was a hideous sound, eerie enough so that the hair on my neck stood straight.

“Jaeden!”

My voice rang out, clear. The laughing ceased, almost violently. Mouths now clamped shut, everyone stared at me. There was a moment of silent stillness.

Without warning, the entire crowd took a giant lurch towards me.

And that’s when I gave myself over to panic. So I did what any red-blooded girl would do.

I wrenched open the gym doors, and I ran like hell.

Happy Days

Happy Halloween Everyone! I hope everyone gets plastered (be safe) and has fun over the weekend! Don't eat too much candy (or do), and don't light yourselves on fire!

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Flat Tires

Dear FOX,

(yeah, you know this is gonna be good)

I heard it through the grapevine that "Dollhouse" is as good as cancelled. Now, I'm not going to get all technical here with ratings and how many people watch what, but I am going to lay it down.

You suck.

Wtf is wrong with you? I hate you. You cancel my shows and cause me so much un-needed and un-wanted despair. You are a murderer, cold-blooded and evil. If I were the D.A. of television channels, your ass would be in prison so fast it would make your horned head spin (get it, its the devil).

I'm also not saying that "Dollhouse" is the best show ever. BUT, it is getting better as it goes on, and I've become attached to a few of the characters (see Sierra and Victor). This show definitely has its moments, but they are too few, so please please please let me have another season!

But I know you won't. I'm starting to think you just like to watch when the joy in children's eyes withers and dies. You are the old grumpy man who knocks the ice cream from a little pig-tailed girl in the park. You are the crazy cat lady who rampages onto your porch when there are neighborhood children on your lawn. Worst of all, you are the loony old fart that buys the generic cookies instead of the real ones and tells your grandchildren they are the same thing. Guess what? They aren't the same! They are totally different! One is good and ONE SUCKS ASS.

So, what did you expect when you put "Dollhouse" in a Friday time slot? Was it going to flourish...because in your insane logic a Friday night slot is the same at any other point of the week? They aren't the same, even if they appear to be so. I don't care if one is cheaper and claims it tastes the same, ITS NOT.

Don't even get me started on "Firefly".

Crap, I said it, so now it's out there.

I will never forgive you for "Firefly", EVER. They say time heals all wounds. Well, Fox...time only seems to deepen the injury inflicted by your overzealous cancellation of a show that once someone sees, he/she immediately loves forever. At least Nathan Fillion got some sense and moved to ABC. :sigh: It makes me feel better to think that "Firefly" is now resting somewhere in dead-television-show-heaven, where ratings never drop, your assigned night never moves, and all episodes are showed in order as they were meant to be shown. "Firefly" looks down on us and smiles, telling us that it's alright to be sad, but we must be strong!

At least "Glee" has a full season, and if you decide to cut it short somehow, I will be revisiting this post armed with profanities and nasty rumors about how you got a boob job or something.


But, I have found something y'all can't take away (and no, it's not our freedom, cuz I think they try to do that on FOX news all the time)...DVDs! That's right! Yay for DVD's!

So, I can buy my "Firefly" and eat it too. mmmmm...Nathan Fillion cake. I'm sorry if that sounded weird. However, DVDs are good for something else too! Yes, that's right. They are good for watching shows you have never seen but were kicked off the air ages ago. Now, loyal readers, please don't freak when I say this, because I assure you that only half of me is admitting to it (the other half has watched every season). On my Netflix queue I have recently added "Buffy". Please don't kill me, I never got around to watching it when it was on years ago. But, I'm going to try it now and see if it lessens the blow of "Dollhouse" being canceled (probably).

Until next time, I'm signing off! Just remember, you can't take the sky from me (only a good time slot).

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It Was So Biblical

No, I'm not really going to talk about "Law Abiding Citizen", I just really love that phrase from the movie. I'm going to write it here because I'll never be able to use anything of that nature in one of my novels. Why? Because it's cheese-tastic, and I, my friends, love the cheese. However, my significant otherly half is kind of lactose intolerant, so the cheese usually becomes tofu, or whatever.

But, there is something to be said about cheesy films and stories. There are a few that have a special place in my heart. Oh, a list?! Yes, a LIST!

1. "Waterworld" - one of the worst films of all time, yet I have watched it dozens of times. I believe I still have my VHS as well as a DVD. The best part of my trip to Universal Studios was seeing the Waterworld boat. I wanted to jump the fence and swim out to it. I'm not kidding. If my mother had not been there to restrain me, I would have done it. There really isn't anything wrong with the movie, except for its exceptionally awful dialogue, hole-ridden plot, and over-the-top acting by Dennis Hopper and co. I mean, come on, Kevin Costner drinks his own pee, what's not to like? This movie was so biblical because it was the end of the world, and people are still smoking...like a lot.

2. "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull" - I don't think many people liked this one but me. I have seen it a few times, and I even bought it. I don't really care about the aliens or whatever people said was "wrong with it". The only part I take issue with is the flying monkeys. That was awkward. But, besides that, I enjoyed it. I think I might have done a better job with aspects of it, but I was just happy to have more time with Indy. So y'all can suck it. This movie wasn't really biblical, well, because it was aliens and not Christian crap.

3. "The Last Unicorn" - that is one really f*cked up movie. It is animated, from the 80's I think. I loved it as a kid, but when I found it in some $5 section and bought it, then rewatched it, I realized this movie actually might be one of the legitimate reasons I'm so weird. I would never let my child watch this movie...ever. I mean, the unicorns are really pretty and everything, but between the molestation tree with boobs, the creepy witch people, the butterfly on crack and the strange traveling circus thingie, I don't know how I am as normal as I am. The strangeness is biblical. Watch it...if you dare.

4. "Newsies" -- wtf, I just saw this one on a worst-movies list. Um, guys. This movie features a young Christian Bale singing AND dancing. This is amazing. I don't care if its bad, some of the songs are actually kind of good and rather catchy. I mean, Batman is singing and dancing while sporting a New York accent in period clothing of the 20's. COME ON PEOPLE! This movie is biblical, and I have no idea how they got Christian Bale to do it. No idea. Maybe they tricked him. I bet they did. Thank God they did.

I am having trouble coming up with any others that I simply adore but other people hate (in vast numbers). Maybe it's just me having a bias, I don't know.

Now I feel like watching these movies. There isn't anything better than a lazy afternoon with a mutated Kevin Costner, Shia Labeouf swinging through the trees with monkeys, unicorns committing mass suicide, or a musical number featuring the talents of Christian Bale.

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My Cucumber is Pickled

Awesome news story. I think this guy should get an award rather than jail time, but that's just the redneck in me.


http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20091023/ap_on_fe_st/us_lounge_chair_dwi


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Will You Hold My Hand?

Hey Everyone (all six and a half of you) !!

Today marks the month anniversary since this blog had its first post! Wooo!! So, I ask you if we can take the next step in this relationship...will you hold my hand?

:sigh: ahh, young love.

Speaking of which, I've totally just fallen in love with this book I'm reading, "Graceling", it's totally epic and awesome, I HIGHLY suggest it.

If you are curious about that other book I mentioned a few weeks ago that could have been stupid, or it could have been good. Well. It was stupid. Really really stupid. Don't ever read "Evermore"...ever, if I didn't like it, you certainly won't either. Believe me. The whole thing is this weird lie, and then it kind of ends like that weird Johnny Depp movie, "Secret Window", or something... I don't know, all I remember is that this immortal guy can somehow conjure tulips. Yeah. I told you it was stupid.

Note to self: When writing an awesome supernatural love story, never have the romantical hotty interest conjure ridiculous flowers that make the reader go "really? tulips? reallllly?"

In other news, "Supernatural" is taking a breather this week, so basically tomorrow is just like any other day of the week even though it's THURSDAY. ::wallow in despair::

If anyone has been watching "Gossip Girl", this week's hairdos and outfits were especially bizarre, no? OH YEAH, and Zoe from "Firefly" was totally Vanessa's mom, random right?

Also? I don't know if there are any serious Nathan Fillion fans who read this, but this past Monday's "Castle" was on the good side, I was kind of impressed. AND THEN, they got soooooooooo closeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee to kissing or saying how they feel or at least touching each other...but fail. FAIL FAIL FAIL. Whatever, I'll still watch it. DAMN YOU ABC! DAMN YOU!!! ::shakes fist::

So, to recap myself: Read "Gracling", never touch "Evermore", tomorrow is an average day of the week, "Gossip Girl" needs to hire real stylists, and ABC continues to make me watch a show that in any other universe I would not watch, but I have to because the awesome Nathan Fillion totally rocks my world.

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Somewhere Over the Rainbow

We all have them. The shows that you associate with your childhood, that bring you back to that special time of your youth. For some it is transformers or ghostbusters. Others would say power rangers or teenage mutant ninja turtles. For me? It's Rainbow Brite. A glorious tv show about a spunky little blond girl who goes on adventures with her awesome horse Starlite and friends the Color Kids (like Shy Violet, and Patty O'Green). Brainbow and the color kids were short pudgy kids who were freaking adorable, and my favorite movie as a kid was the one where Rainbow Brite has to rescue all the color kids. It was awesome. Totally awesome. Totes McGotes.

BUT, for some reason, someone in hollywood thought it would be a GOOD IDEA to REMAKE Rainbow Brite. Because hollywood is so starved for ideas and so completely out to make a buck on something they KNOW will make money because of a preexisting fan base (see: young girls who watched rainbow brite now have children of their own) that they just look back twenty or so years and go, "Hey! This was good! Lets mutilate and destroy it and then repackage it and distribute it to the masses!!"

Now, I know what you are saying. You are saying, "Sam? Don't you think you are over reacting? The new rainbow brite could be cute!"

NO! SHE IS NOT CUTE! She is tall! And skinny! And has long, flowing ultra-blonde model like hair!

WHY?!?! Why is this necessary?! For the love of all that is holy COME UP WITH A NEW IDEA!! And leave cherished childhood television shows ALONE!

And its not just tv shows! You know what else they are remaking? Top Gun.

Yeah, that's right.

Also? Karate Kid.

And if that's not bad enough, they are remaking the holiest of holy 80's movies.

Dirty Dancing.

IS NOTHING SACRED ANYMORE?!

I, for one, am sick of this nonsense. ESPECIALLY when I have dozens of perfectly good, original ideas! That have not been made, then sequalized, then remade again! Fresh, new ideas. I have them. I bet some of you have them too. And I want to see them on screen. I don't want to see the 14th version of Friday the 13th (unless Jared Padalecki is in it, but that's another point altogether). I don't want to see Miley Cyrus and one of the Jonas brothers dancing to "Time of my Life" in a disneyfied regurgitation of Dirty Dancing.

Or a tall, model version of Rainbow Brite. Come on. Leave my childhood memories alone.

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Christmas In Any Season But Winter

Good Lads and Ladies, I give you a very early Christmas present. Please enjoy the below photograph without having to view the film ("Thomas Kinkade's Christmas Cottage"). ::shiver::

Although, it's almost worth it if you can find it for free on youtube. It's pretty funny, poorly written, over-acted, and an overall plot-free story. Not that I've seen it, cuz I haven't...

But this is pretty funny.


(I mean, c'mon, the hat...THE HAT!!)

He makes this surprised expression in one of several similar hats throughout the "film"...not that I've counted, cuz I haven't...

It just never fails to impress me what people will do for a paycheck. Did I mention that Peter O'Toole and Marcia Gay Harden also appear in this thing? Yeah.

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Flat Tires

Dear Nation,

We have a revolution on our hands, and I say it's time to find the trickster who sparked the fire!

Yeah, that's right. A full blown revolution. I can see you there, scratching your head. You're asking yourself, who? Who is revolting? I laugh at you and say, not who BUT what?!

We need to pool all of our resources into finding out who was responsible for last week's My Cucumber Is Pickled story. Remember that one? About the dead deer in a clown suit left on someone's porch in Iowa?

Well, apparently, deer all over the country have heard of said episode and are showing their displeasure. If you don't belive me, feel free to read this article about a poor little boy who was charged by an adult buck near his home. Granted, no one was hurt...except for the deer. Try to imagine a 9 year old beating a buck with a stick until it will run away. Hard to imagine, no? I think that's because this is a lie. The 9 year old actually had a flame thrower and roasted the deer for dinner, just to show all the other deer of the forest what-the-f#ck is UP.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/33291020/ns/us_news-weird_news/

...damn liberal media never gets anything right. lies. This is just a cover up! The revolution is at hand!


(the deer, watching us)

So, I ask MSNBC, what were you thinking? You really ran two stories about deer two weeks in a row, and you didn't think I WOULD SEE?! Do you think I'm that dense?!

I pity you.

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Some Assembly Required

Before I start in on the meat of this post (for those of you immediately expecting pictures of you-know-you, that isn't my intention, but I might appease you anyway), I have some news to get y'all caught up on.

1) Swine flu is back DUN! and apparently it's going to kill us all, so there's always that.

2) Garth Brooks might be going back on tour or something, at the minimum he is busting out of retirement, so hopefully something awesome will come of that.

3) It looks like there might be a "Friday the 13th: Part II" in the works starring the one and only Jared Padalecki...yum. (hopefully they keep the motorcycle in storage for this one)

4) It's still miserably cold outside, and it's never going to get better.

5) '30 Rock' is premiering tonight, if anyone cares about that.

OK! Moving ON!

We're gonna talk about things that fall apart which are a pain in the ass to put back together. Ready? (feel free to add in your own suggestions)

First, there are cell phones. They drop once and then you are constantly putting them back together, it's super annoying, and I'm pretty sure when you buy one, duct tape should be included. Let's be serious here, I'm clumsy and my phone is constantly teetering on the edge of disaster.

Second, my sanity. I'm losing it, I swear to GOD. Well, honestly, I think I lost it a while ago. I can't give the exact date or place I left it, but it's gone. It is broken, and terribly difficult to put back together. Sometimes I see things (no joke), and I tell myself its just the beginning stages of cataracts or something. So, that's nice.

Third, remote controls. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ask any one of my friends and they will tell you that when I am around, remote controls simply fall apart. I can touch one and it goes to pieces. I'm starting to believe its a super power, but what a lame super power that would be. What would they call me? Remote Deconstructor...ugh. The pain-in-the-ass part is that when one falls apart, you have to find all the components. AND when two batteries roll under a sofa, I start throw to a fit.

Fourth, those shoes that are so comfortable you never want to throw them away. Yeah, it happens to everyone. There is that pair of shoes that you just got worn in the way you like them, and all of a sudden, there is a hole or a rip or SOMETHING to mess up your situation. So. Annoying. In this case, you could also use duct tape, but I wouldn't suggest it because it isn't very fashionable, AND this gives you the opportunity to go shoe shopping.

Fifth, Barbie Dolls. Don't laugh, you know it's true. ESPECIALLY the Ken legs. JESUS CHRIST!! Those stupid legs were so hard to get back into the hip socket, and I could never do it! I would get so frustrated that I would stuff the leg into the pants and practically glue the pants onto him (thus keeping his shirt options very limited) to keep the friggin' leg on. However, the outcome was really distracting, because you could tell that the leg wasn't connected properly...GIVING YOU a handicapped Ken doll. :sigh: The worst part about the whole situation was the pair of pants he was stuck with. I kid you not, they were shiny silver things that had suspenders to keep them on. What was wrong with the 80's? I mean, seriously? When was dressing up Ken dolls like that ok?

...Speaking of things that are broken

...these are two things you wouldn't mind fixin, right?

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"A Thousand Times, Yes..."

That quote is taken from "Pride and Prejudice"...you know, the awesome one with Kiera Knightley that I have to watch whenever it's on, and when it's not on, I have to DVR it so that I can watch it when I want to watch it.

I wouldn't call it an obsession, I just really really really like it.


There are a few lines that I really like, and the title of this blog is one of them (its one of my favorite scenes). But, that's not really the point.

Oh crap, do I even have a point?

I dont know, but this line really got me thinking a few minutes ago. I'll break it down for you, and then we'll see if I have a point.

We say 'yes' thousands of times in our lives, and sometimes it is to things that we don't really want to say 'yes' to. I bet you even say 'yes' a thousand times for that exact reason, to avoid something unpleasant or agree to it to make someone else happy. That kind of sucks, doesn't it.

This line can also be viewed in its original environment, a truthful and heartfelt response to a proposal of marriage. I'm going to admit, that's my favorite. But, do you really need to say it a thousand times? Yes is yes, no is no ...and you can't change the meanings of those words. Now that I'm thinking about it so hard, maybe the bitch was lying.

Now, imagine saying this word with contempt and annoyance. Like this: a THOUSAND times...YES! This is when you say it to convince someone of your truthfullness. You are so annoyed that you make up an obscene number to illustrate your point. This is the point of no return, when what you have agreed to no longer interests you, and you now loathe its existence. If there is one thing I hate, it happens to be nagging.

So, here is my proposal. If I feel even the slightest big of nagging coming on about something I'm looking forward to, I'm going to skip the first twenty-three 'yes' responses, and jump right to 'a THOUSAND times...YES!'

I know that might put a few people off, but you cant please everyone. I still don't know if I had a point there, but that's ok.

On a completely seperate note...what do you guys think of copyrighting? Is it worth it, or is it stupid?

Also? Would anyone be interested in reading completely fictional posts of a novel flavor? Or do your tastes lie in what has already been discussed these past few weeks?

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We Were Both Young...

What a weekend!

As I might have mentioned earlier, I attended a Taylor Swift concert this past weekend, and oh was it so awesome. That girl can put on a show! I totally recommend seeing her on her next tour!

The evening started off at Steak N Shake where we saw dozens upon dozens of little girls with glitter and bright colors and crazy things all over their t-shirts who would also be attending the concert, and we felt weird. (My 23 year old friends and I that is).

It was also cold. Very cold.

Then we got to the arena and stood in line for key chains/magnets that didn't exist. But, that's totally ok, because the rest of the night was sooooo worth the $62. Just wait.

We found our seats, which were pretty cool cuz we could see everything (except for this crazed 12 year old behind us whose scream literally knocked me forward every time it was unleashed). Then we sat and read all the texts that you could send to the jumbo screens before the concert. That was pretty funny, and yes, we did try sending some hilarious ones, but none made it up there...sad. BUT IT WAS ALL STILL WORTH IT. Wait for it...


Then the opening acts (Gloriana and Kellie Pickler) performed. I didn't know too many of their songs, but they were pretty good.

And then. There was Taylor Swift. She was awesome.



But that still isn't really the bestest part of the entire shabang. No. Because halfway through she started making her way through the audience, giving out hugs (awww) and whatnot. AND, as we were watching on the jumbo screen, all of a sudden a face appeared in the corner that we seemed to recognize. Hey, that kind of looks like Taylor Lautner. Taylor approached and hugged the look-a-like...

Wait. No. That's not a guy who looks like Taylor Lautner, that IS Taylor Lautner!

sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiittttttttttt!!!!

I then acted in such a manner which proves that should I ever meet a celebrity, I will NOT keep my cool. AT ALL.

We tried to get a picture, but since we reacted like any normal 23 year old--hormonal 13 year old--would, our pictures didn't come out right.


(Taylor and lots of her fans. None of whom are Taylor Lautner. I am actually a little shocked this is even clear, my hands were shaking so badly. I mean...)

BUT, you can view it on youtube and hear the crazy that occurred after his pretty little face disappeared.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s0Urcv7vjlc&feature=player_embedded

Her closing numbers were totally great, and needless to say, we were in shock and awe on the drive home. We had to go to Denny's (what the hell else is open at 1:00 am where you can get these half donut-half pancake things called puppies?).

Then it was time to go home, but DAMN it feels good to be a teenager sometimes. Seriously. Do it.

Besides that, I saw "Couple's Retreat", which was funny, but I kind of don't remember it because Saturday night (the concert) blurred everything else.

Oh, I forgot perhaps the most interesting part of the evening! Shame on me. As the concert was starting, about six guys around the age of 20 sat in the section next to us. We noticed this because it seemed really weird, there were no girls with them and, well, it was just odd. We speculated a few theories but nothing really stuck until they left right after the Taylor Squared hug. Yeah, that's right. They were totally Taylor Lautner's friends. right? RIGHT?


(My sneak photo, taken before the taylor squared hug. It's not a good pic, but whatever)

It only makes sense, and we really should have followed them in retrospect. We'll know better for next time.

:sigh: