When Bad Hair Happens to Good People...

Sh#t Happens. We all know this. However, when it happens to your hair, people tend to take note. For this reason, I cannot begin to fathom why someone on television (or in a film) would agree to a hair cut, or dye job, that is worthy of mental breakdown status (unless, of course, it is for some artsy fartsy reason).

I have many examples, all hilarious, and all frustrating. I mentioned the first last week...Chace Crawford (whose hair was still stupid this week, OBVIOUSLY the right people aren't reading this blog, no offense).

Exhibit A - Hayden What's-with-your-fake-ass-hair? (Panettiere)


She donned a wig a few seasons ago, and it totally looked fake, I mean you could tell. This is perplexing because her hair is blonde and that exact length, so what's with the plastic strands????

Exhibit B - Stana Mullet-tastic (Katic)


She plays the detective opposite of Nathan Fillion on "Castle", and last night her hair did something that I no longer thought happened on TV unless it was for a joke. Yeah, that's right, it was a full-on Mullet. Woof. The worst part about the entire ordeal is that in mid-episode there was a bet going on, and whoever lost would have to shave their heads. Now, please fake people on TV, don't tease me like that.

Exhibit C - Milo Cut-it-off-please! (Ventimiglia)


The first season of "Heroes", he had this crazy thing going on where half his face was covered by a swoop of untamed hair. Let's just say, I hated it. It looked so ridiculous that I started imitating him by putting my hand over my right eye everytime he came on screen. It dissappeared for a while, but then I stopped watching. Now, those two things have nothing to do with each other...I think...

Exhibit D - Jared Its-about-to-take-flight-watch-out! (Padalecki)


This screenshot isn't the exact one I was looking for, but it gives you an idea of total crazy that was growing from atop big J's head.

I'm sorry, Ginormotron, but you had to make this list for that single episode when it actually looked like your hair had sprouted wings and was going to fly away in the wind. If y'all don't know what I'm talking about, you should check it out. It is from "Supernatural", season 2, episode 2, called "Everybody Loves a Clown". Ah, what a good episode...

BUT. Now that the almighty hair has been tamed down by growth and product, we can't really make fun of it anymore, but damn. DAMN! Didn't someone in production take a look at the dailies and notice that his hair was so friggin' crazy that day that the audience doesn't even remember what they were talking about in that scene? Seriously! If there is going to be a reason I forget what happens in a particular scene, the reason better be that someone's clothes came off. (PS you can thank me later for how many posts will feature a picture of one of the two above hotties--errr--I mean actors).


Now, I know there are a lot more, however, I just don't have the space to list them all in detail. The above are just some of my favorites, and they are all from shows I like (or did in the past), so I say that it's ok if I make fun of them.

If you have any favorites, please make sure to share. Remember, we like laughing at the expense of others!!

Now we come full circle back to the point. Bad hair. You know what? It doesn't only happen to celebrities either. I remember this one time I had the most vile haircut done at stupid 'Great Clips' (never ever go there ever ever ever). I actually threw a tantrum. No really, I did. I was chucking crap around and stomping my feet. Granted, I was about ten years old and we had a family picture the next day, but the past is the past! You learn from your mistakes (never get a cheap haircut, and always tell them a few inches longer than you actually want it cut).

Another word of advice. Sun-in is gross. It makes your hair orange (and not in the awesome Leeloo Dallas way).

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Happy Weekzies!

Thank you to all of those out there reading this blog! Today we celebrate our weekzies...it was a week ago today the first post was published! Yay! In honor of said event, I say everyone gets a cookie. As you probably realize, I cannot give you that cookie, so you will have to get it yourself, but know that I will be there with you as you enjoy it!

Moving on to other issues.

I'm not sure if there was any big news this weekend because I was very busy.

...and by busy I mean not watching news. Half of me was either studying or watching a forever marathon of "Robin Hood" (the amazing BBC television series that completes my life with its witty British humor and equally humorous haircuts). The other half spent the weekend trying to get through that HUUUGGEEE book (I'm not kidding, I've had other people look at it, and their eyes pop out of their heads), seeing movies (more on this later), or watching a bizarre amount of television. Oh yes, and the Bears game. If anyone deserves a cookie, its Jay Cutler. However, I know not all readers are Bears fans, so I will keep this thing goin'.

Over the glorious and much too short weekend, I was able to catch two films (I can almost feel the jealousy oozing through the internet). I saw "Pandorum" and "Fame". If you are amazed at my range, please remember that I am awesome. Jeez, I really am full of myself today, no?

Let's start with "Pandorum". I got through the previews just perfectly. Then the lights went down, I clutched at my purse and looked at my companions and said this: "I shouldn't be here, this was a mistake, I need to go home" ...because it was at that moment when I remembered how much I was freaked out by "Event Horizon", and this movie was supposed to be just like it, but with Dennis Quaid. :sigh:

This movie was a surprising treat. It made me jump a few times (which isnt that hard, but considering I watch movies of this genre through my hands, sometimes it can be difficult), and I was definitely on the edge of my seat. Also? I didn't see the end coming at all. But take my liking of this film with a grain of salt, considering "Waterwold" is a solid favorite. If you're gonna see this one, do it at the theatre, the loudness of the soundtrack really added to the suspense, and I think that would be lost at home.

Next up is "Fame". This movie had its moments, and then it had a lot more moments that just kept on going. Some of the music was cool, the finale was pretty great, but it could have been put together a little better. But hey, at least it got the theme song stuck in my head for 36 hours. It's a rental...(this next bit is supposed to be in Barney Stinson's voice, and if you don't get the reference you must immediately check your pulse, and if you are alive, get out from underneath the that rock and rent "How I Met Your Mother") or...OR just listen to the music on iTunes.

Lastly, I just thought I'd let you all know that my family thinks I'm nuts. Why you ask? How could that be, you seem perfectly normal? Right? Right? I know!!!!

I'll tell you why. Over the past week, I've done some serious purchasing off of Amazon. I now have a pile of books that need to be read, and it just keeps getting taller. I feel like it is becoming an addiction or something, and that sometime in the future, I'll need to start my posts with this message: "Hi, my name is Sam and I'm an Amazon-aholic"...the first step is admitting your problem, people. or...OR buying another book (maybe a self help one?)

Until tomorrow!

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Flat Tires

Dear Bill O'Reilly,

Although I don't frequent your website, your show, or FOX in general, I was struck by something that I just couldn't pass up to click on. Here is the link:

Study: O'Reilly One Of Most Trusted People In News

Now, there are several reasons why this just seemed too good to be true.

1) That it's on your website, the "no spin zone", so you know it's gotta be good.
2) I don't remember you reporting news, so how can that be accurate?
3) If you are on that list, who else is?

So, I clicked on the link and was quickly taken to another website found here:

http://news.prnewswire.com/DisplayReleaseContent.aspx?ACCT=104&STORY=%2Fwww%2Fstory%2F09-23-2009%2F0005099743&EDATE=

I read through the study, and found some interesting things.

1) You are definitley on the "most trusted people" list. So, I can't say you lied there. However, in this "no spin zone", I think I smell the faint odor of bullsh#t. Why? Because you are number 4, with 9.3%...I wouldn't really call that news-worthy, or any kind of achievement.
2) FOX news also made some kind of list. They made the "most trusted news source" list as number one.
3) Reading a little further, I found that the above list wasn't the only one FOX news was on. Yes, my friends, they are also number one on the "least trusted news source". (I have to admit, that conflicting information almost made my brain explode, but then I realized that this link was associated with Bill O'Reilly, and therefore had the desired effect)

So, to conclude, Bill...you receive a flat tire for the best What Were You Thinking? moment of the week. Why on earth would you put a link up to a study that claims your network is the least trusted? Oh wait. I think I figured it out. The people reading this sh#t don't do 'research' unless it involves Obama being from Kenya, sodomites raping children to recruit them, or illegal immigrants takin' our jobs. That's where the real story is.

And, Bill? If you've made it this far into this letter, give my regards to Satan.

Peace out!

Hosting a Harry Hunger Game During a Lovely New Moon

I love books. I also love movies. One might think, therefore, that I love when books turn into movies! Well...sometimes. Yes, it is always extremely exciting when a book (or comic) gets a movie deal. That means more press for the book, which means more people will read it. And that is ALWAYS a good thing.

Except of course, when the movie sucks. Which DOES happen. Take for example, the Eragon movie. Now, the original source material wasn't that fantastic to begin with, and may have seriously resembled Star Wars but instead of light sabers there were dragons. Really, I could predict the next plot point/outcome on that book based on my knowledge of Star Wars. Way to go Paolini. But that is beside the point.

The point! Is that one of the main reasons that movie tanked was because the movie adaptation failed to remain faithful to the original source material. Big. Effing. Mistake. For a reason I cannot entirely fathom, something in the Eragon books resonates with people. That is why a fan base exists in the first place. If you deviate from the book, you are taking a big risk that what you are doing doesn't even improve the story in the first place, and an even bigger risk that you are gonna piss off the fan base- who are the very reason you have a movie to make in the freaking first place. And they usually they are fairly... devoted. As in, they have the book memorized and every minute detail is considered sacred and changing anything even a little bit is considered sacrilegious. So.

Now, sometimes changes/artistic liberties work. Like changing the batmobile in Batman Begins. I am a little biased, because I think anything Christopher Nolan does is genius. It worked though! Fans were initially skeptical, but it worked out. But as a general rule of thumb, it's best to remain faithful to the book/comic you are basing your movie off of. Especially if you have a rapant fan base. Because, believe me, they WILL notice if you deviate from their beloved books. The twilight fandom was all in a tizzy the other day just because it appears Edward's volvo is now slate gray in New Moon/Eclipse, as opposed to the silver it was described as in the book. ........

I'm just saying.

But then there are the times where the movie version doesn't really stray from the book, and it's still not very good, like some of the Harry Potter movies or the first Twilight film. Now, before you all come after me with pitchforks and torches, I actually liked these movies. As in, I enjoyed myself while watching them. But I understand that just because I like something does not necessarily make it good. I mean, I liked Timeline for crying out loud. ANYWAY. These adaptations did remain faithful to the books, and yet those who hadn't read the source material were left scratching their heads going, "Huh?" But the fans are happy. And since they are the people who see the movie over (and over and over and over) again, it's probably best to try and please them.

However, I for one am not satisfied with that. Yes I always have fun watching Harry Potter, and yes I enjoy tearing the Twilight movie to shreds. But that doesn't keep me from wanting to watch a movie that is BOTH a straight adaptation and a quality movie. See: Lord of the Rings, Shawshank Redemption, The Green Mile. These movies were all faithful, and they were good. Great even. It can be done! It's just really, really hard. And that's what every movie lover wants. An awesome movie. And that's what every book reader wants. A faithful adaptation.

So, pay attention Chris Weitz (New Moon), David Slade (Eclipse), Peter Jackson (Lovely Bones), Andrew Niccol (The Host), and Nina Jacobson (The Hunger Games). We are expecting a lot from you. Perfection isn't asking too much, is it? So don't screw up...

Or you WILL be seeing pitchforks and torches.

The sad thing is that I'm not even kidding.

Aha!

On Top Of Things

I'm trying to stay on top of things for everybody out there. Here is what I have:

1) Rights to THE HOST have been purchased by some producers, and the director is slated to be the guy who did GATTACA, exciting? I think so!

2) "One Tree Hill" has been picked up for its 900th season. ::collective sigh:: Also? "Gossip Girl" ratings have dropped. I blame the idiots at the CW...for pairing it with the stupid of "One Tree Hill". Fail? I think so!

3) News Flash! There are real life 'mean girls' in a rich community in New Jersey! They did an entire scary piece on it this morning on The Today Show. Seriously? How can this be news or interesting? Oh yeah, it's not!

4) "Vampire Diaries" has been picked up for a full season. This is good news because that means I get to watch pretty before the super pretty of "Supernatural". Absolutely fantastic? I think so!

5) The final book in the 12 book series I have been reading for the past six months finally arrived yesterday, and it's HUGE. How big you ask? HUUUUGGEE. Don't ever let someone tell you that size doesn't matter, because it totally does.

6) Someone is eating lunch in the office and I can smell it. It smells amazing. I'm hungry. Not fair.

7) The first day of Fall was this week. Boooo. As long as those pesty little lady bug invaders don't make an appearance, I will let it be Autumn. If, however, they show their little ugly, smelly, faces to the light of day... I will be armed with hair spray to do every-last-one-of-them in, PERMANENTLY!

8) Khloe Kardashian is apparently getting married to that guy from the Lakers she has been dating for all of five minutes. I'm not sure why I care, but I find myself hoping there is some epicness behind it. Not just that she is preggers or that they are actually in love...something better than that. I want this thing to go so deep that its roots are found tangled in the Russian Mafia AND aliens. I could use a story like that, it would brighten my day.

9) You know that movie "9" ? Anybody? Yeah, it looked creepy and weird. Just thought I'd throw that out there, since this was the corresponding number and all.

10) The love of my life, Harrison Ford, was on Good Morning America the other day. He was jabbering on about saving the planet or something. I'm glad he is doing press and everything, but seriously, if you aren't going to throw us a bone about upcoming films or at least do something entertaining, you might as well go home and continue to rescue people with your helicopter. Let's face it, you're almost old enough to be my grandpa, we can't keep seeing eachother. I will always love your movies, and I will never forget a single line of "The Last Crusade", but I'm moving on. No, really, it's not you...it's me!

Sh#t. I already miss him. You guys think he'll take me back?

And that's the news!!

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Bitter taste of rejection...

Rejection. It's a strong word, with strong connotations. It could potentially bring on a flood of otherwise repressed and painful memories dealing with jobs, sports teams, or your junior prom date. It is a word filled with meaning. The root word "reject" is defined as "To refuse to accept, submit to, believe, or make use". It could also mean to spit up or vomit. Lovely. Rejection also contains the word "eject". Perhaps because one wants to be ejected from this planet when they experience this terrible thing, when they are rejected. "Ion" is also in this word, but that in no way pertains to this blog, so I'm going to pretend like its not there.

It is also a word I know, and I intend on becoming even more intimately familiar with. Cause here is the kicker. I don't mind rejection. In certain situations, I kind of like it. Crave it, even. Take right now, for instance. The fact that I'm even sitting here typing this out is because I got rejected. This very evening! A client canceled, and here I am. Free to do as I please. All because I got rejected. Sweet.

It's probably a good thing I don't mind rejection, because I know for a fact that as soon as I attempt to get any work of literature published, I will be rejected constantly. But honestly, I'm a little excited.

Okay. Way excited. I actually plan on framing my first rejection letter. Because, come on, how cool is that??! A rejection letter, though it means I still don't have an agent, signifies that I have a finished book to be querying in the first place! And it can serve as motivation, to prove that oh-so-ignorant agent how wrong they were for rejecting me in the first place when I become a New York Times best selling author. I'm saying, it can happen.

Probably not.

But I will not be swayed! I am dedicted to my cause....

I hope I get a really awesome rejection letter. For example:

Dear Aspiring-but-obviously-doomed authors:

I have recieved your query letter, and read over your sample chapter. And there are a few things I want to address.

First, please never send me anything ever, ever again. I am currently nursing a migraine due to your utter lack of comprehension of the English language and your complete failure to communicate logical ideas.

I willl require you to reimburse me for the pain killers and cheap liquor that will soon send me into the soothing sleep of oblivion, that is far, far away from the craptastic load of horseshit you call your manuscript.

Yours truly,
Agent X

Of course, the odds that any self respecting agent would use the word "craptastic" in a rejection letter are slim.

But hey, a girl can dream.

Aha!

UPDATE: So, here is a funny thing. You know how I said that sometimes rejection isn't bitter? And I cited this evening as an example? Cause my client canceled? Yeah, well my other client no showed. So I sat, at NCO, for five and half hours. For nothing. ::sigh:: Stupid Karma.

So yes, sometimes rejection isn't bitter.

It was bitter tonight. But just a little.

My Cucumber Is Pickled

Welcome to the weekly edition of "My Cucumber Is Pickled". This is where you will find pictures, links or stories about strange happenings that I find interesting and hilarious.

The first ever pickle goes to this story: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/32751751/ns/us_news-weird_news/

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Tuesdays: Deserts or Desserts?

Here is the thing about Tuesdays, no good shows live in them. It's the one day of the week that is like a desert wasteland of television. Seriously. It is. I have at least one show on all the other days of the week (not including weekends, although Saturdays sometimes have...I'll get to that later).

So, there I sit. My couch calls to me, the remote looks like a shining beacon of heavenly bliss and warmth. Yet, I find that my dissappointment's only companion at every click of the 'channel up' button is the sound of crickets. Chirp Chirp.

That's when it's time to go to the DVR and see if anything of interest was recorded in the past 24 hours. But, oh the woes of having a family with poor taste in all things entertainment. What's that I see? Someone recorded the Michael Jackson Funeral? Jesus Christ, people. DELETE.

Although they may be low. I do have standards. I will not be watching QVC, funerals, weird specials, or Oxygen (unless they are playing "Pride and Prejudice") until I'm old and have the unfortunate life changing experience of Dementia. But! That is a far away place, in a distant land of unicorns, lollipops, rainbows and global warming (I mean, come on, this summer was anything but hot. Perhaps they should rename it 'lol-global-warming-j/k').

Back to the point. Tuesdays.

Now to the second part of this discussion. Tuesdays are desserts. This is the day that is completely free, since absolutely nothing of note occurs. Maybe I can catch up on reading, the news, have dinner out (instead of being strapped down to the couch with a paper plate and tape keeping my eyes open so that I don't miss anything), or make a real dinner in. This is the day when I can choose to be me. Quite liberating.

...Plus tomorrow is "Glee".

rawr! So, I cannot escape it. TV has a firm grasp on me. But, it's kind of like being man-handled by a really hot guy you are totally obsessing over. It's simply delightful, similar to that rich chocolate concoction you always see at (dare I say it?) Ruby-Tuesdays, that you never get because you know its bad for you, and you are already so full from dinner.

Since I promised to return to the Saturday comment, I suppose that it's now or never. Although I may never admit to exactly what show airs on Saturday afternoons that is watchable (but not necessarily good), I will admit that not all weekend programming is completely and uterrly worthy of being ignored.

Now that I have confused myself, I guess I will leave it up to you. Tuesdays: deserts or desserts?

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Truly Terrible TV

Okay, so here is the thing. I do not have the greatest taste in television. I can watch-and enjoy-television otherwise sane people deem trash. Garbage. A waste of time.

Truly Terrible TV.

Now, my pension for trashy TV (coughcoughrockoflovecoughcough) does not hinder my ability to adequately judge otherwise acceptable television. I can tell when good shows turn bad (or jump the shark). I could tell when Heroes went downhill. I could tell when Prison Break lost its sparkle (a decapitated person not being dead? Really? REALLY?! But that was long after the show nuked the fridge...) But just because I can trace the decrease in television excellence doesn't mean I forsake my enjoyment of the show. I can tolerate pretty much anything.

So when I say that there is tv out there, that I, I find so awful, so blatantly lacking in anything that could ever resemble quality, you will understand my full meaning. So I have to ask...

WHAT. THE F$%K. IS UP. WITH ONE TREE HILL.

One Tree Hill was never high caliber to begin with. Mediocre at best. But that show is really, really scraping the bottom of the barrel. I haven't watched a full episode of OTH since, oh... junior year of college? When a character spilled alcohol all over his dead brother's grave (a dead brother he happened to kill), then ACCIDENTALLY LIT IT ON FIRE, I knew my OTH days were numbered. And the 20 minutes of the show I accidentally saw today made that scene look Emmy worthy. I'm not even kidding. It was truly terrible.

How is it possible that truly terrible TV can remain on the air, while quality television (like Battlestar, Firefly, Jericho, Arrested Development, Pushing Daisies, to name a few) gets pulled? I know it has to do with ratings and budget, and blah blah blah. I still find the whole thing unjust.

Another question: what happens to the TV that starts of promising, then just... dies. Heroes, Prison Break, Grey's Anatomy. What goes wrong with these shows? And why do the producers endlessly and futily try to pump life into their utterly dead hearts when by the end of the season, they are all DOA? The fact that crap like Smallville can be renewed while Firefly gets pulled prematurely is, well...

Truly Terrible.



PS: WHAT is wrong with Chace Crawford's hair??? Someone needs to tell that boy that a comb-over on a 20 something year old is never, under any circumstances, a good idea.




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Hello World!

Hello everyone!

It's good to see you! Not there there is a "you"...but that's besides the point!

Now, to make ourselves acquainted.

I am Sam. Crap. That's a movie or something. Let's start over.

I am here to bring you news (what I condone as news), commentary, hilarious bits of my life, hilarious bits of other people's lives so that we can laugh together at their expense, reviews of television/movies/books, and of course, entertainment!!

I know this is short, but I'm at work, and they might catch me actually having fun.

So, until next time, we're signing off.

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