Flat Tires

Dear City of Chicago,

Valiant attempt at trying to get the Olympic Games. Truly. Seriously. lol, I'm kidding. This is after all, the Flat Tire award.

This past week, everyone around here has been so hyped up about how Chicago is going to win!! And how it will come down to Rio and us!! OMG!!! It's going to be so close!! We will surely get it!!

And then what happens? You get knocked out in the first round. I'd say that's a reality check. Not even the smooth talk of the Obamas can win you the Olympics, which makes me believe it will never happen. Which is fine. I, personally, don't want to pay more taxes and have a bajillion strangers within a half hour of where I live a few years from now. Can you imagine the traffic? Jesus Christ. It's already bad, but that would have been AWFUL. This just occurred to me as well...what about the construction? First of all, you would have never been ready by 2016 because it takes two years to pave a one mile road in Illinois. Yeah, that's right, I've kept track of these things. So trust me when I say that driving by construction in this state is like watching the grass grow. Phew!

I'm not sure what you were thinking with this bid, other than being distracted by the dollar signs floating above the idea. I mean, come on, were you really going to have tourists (more than usual) take thousands of pictures next to Big Willie? (AKA the Sears Tower). That's just embarrassing. Imagine their photo abulms.






(Our Time With the Biggest of all Willies! Look at Grandma Suzy smile, she hasn't seen a Willie this big since 1902!)


ugh...just saying...

Yeah yeah yeah. I know what you're thinking. But Sam! It would have been cool to have the Olympics in Chicago! I could have gone and seen Michael Freakin' PHELPS!!

...In that way, I share your pain. It would be nice to see some of the sports up close-but wait-I don't have that kind of money anyways! So whatever.

I do feel bad for all the people that gathered downtown today to watch the City get awarded the games on those Jumbotrons they set up. It's not sunny and it's not warm, and it rained all night. Welcome to Chicago, and it's failtastic ways of making uber amounts of t-shirts for things it never wins so they have to be given away for free and everyone loses more money.

Chicago, what were you thinking?

aha!

And Then! It was all over.

I pat myself on the back, because I finally finished the Sword of Truth series last night. DAMN that was a HUUGGEE book. I won't bore you all with books you don't read, and unlike myself, I won't ruin the entire 12 book series either. I know, just when you think you know a person, right?

I'm happy it's over though, now I can live in peace knowing how it all ended...or did it? Today I found a slight spin off book called "Law of Nines", I can't tell you what it's about because it would ruin the original series, but none of the characters previously known to us appear here, so I think I might try it at a later date.

Because!! Now I'm reading "Catching Fire", and oh man do I love this series. After that, it looks like I'll be either re-reading "The Host" or diving into a brand new series that I won't tell you about until I start it (mostly cuz it could end up being really really stupid).

In other news, today is Thursday (a sacred night of television) so I'm excited to go home and stare at the tv for a few hours of CW delights. Did you hear that they cancelled "The Beautiful Life"? lol. Cuz no one saw that coming.

Last, but not least, the coming weeks will bring us "2012". And, as my other half would love to tell you all, this also brings us to the subject of stealing. Yes, stealing. Now, I can almost hear you scratching your head, and asking me what the eff I'm talking about. Friends, I'm here to explain.

Have you ever gone to see a film and during one (or maybe a few OR MAYBE ALL) of the previews you say to yourself, 'jeez, I thought of that idea years ago'? If you are in the category who answered YES, you might find this next part of the post satisfying. If you answered NO, I'm sorry, but this might confuse you a little.

There are only so many ways that a writer can destroy the world, right? Wrong. It is almost infinite how many different options there are when a person would like to rid the planet of, well, the planet. Here is where I have a bone to pick. "2012" was thought up in a brain years before it was produced, but my angst doesn't stop there. No. Not even close. Everyone loves a good 'AND THEN! It was all over." movie, especially when the planet actually explodes! yay!! However, there is a shortage of films when the planet is actually saved, so who thought one up? If you don't know the answer to that question, you haven't been listening carefully.

Story-lining television shows before they air the next episode is one thing, but thinking up an entire movie, and then having it made (but not by you) is an entirely different level of f.m.l. I'm not about to make a list of films that I could have written (and possibly already have), but trust me, they exist. :sigh:

I'm not trying to slash the film down, I mean, I'm gonna go see it. Hell yeah for death on a global scale (when they are fake people and awesome! special effects). But, maybe now you'll think of me when you see the preview or as you sit in the dark theatre watching the near extermination of the human race. Lovely.


(wave to all the little people! they look so sad)

So! The next time you have that moment after a preview where you are speechless, not because you think the movie will be good, but because it seems like someone hacked into your brain...Just know that there are others out there like you. So, free hugs to everyone who thought of "2012" before it was made or any other 'AND THEN! It was all over.' movie that has been on the big screen for the past twenty years.

...f&$king Rolland Emmerich and his delicious films that are so quotable and excitably tacky.

aha!