Sorry for the delay of postings this week, it's just that I haven't been overly inspired to write anything.
However, things have changed.
Last night was the State of the Union, and DAMN did our President let those naughty Republicans have it! I'm glad someone around here isn't afraid to tell them that they have been douche bags for a year. You go Obama!
Even though it was awesome, and I could probably rant about the lame Republican response for a few paragraphs, I won't subject you all to that, at least not today.
Instead, I would like to discuss Authors. Well, authors and the things (mostly books, but sometimes blogs) they write.
Here we go!
First we'll discuss truly disgraceful pieces and talk about why they sucked so hard. Then we'll talk about awesome works and fan the author's ego a little bit (not that they read this stuff, but you know what I'm saying).
In the last year and a half, I have read only several books that I actually hated, I will list them here so you don't (although half of you have probably already read at least one of these) make the same mistake as I did.
1) Evermore, by Alyson Noel. I think I might have briefly mentioned this book before, but let me break down why it was so bad. First, the characters were whiny bitches (this will be a continual theme down the list) that I didn't like and wanted to die. Now, I have read other books when the main character didn't do much for me, but at least I didn't want them dead. Second, it was not written very well, and the imagery sucked. This book also happens to be the first in a series, and I have absolutely no craving to continue it. Plus, there were tulips, so. many. tulips. It's as if the author got hit with a stupid stick and never recovered.
2) Wicked: Witch & Curse, by Nancy Holder. This is also part of a series, one which I will never ever finish. The weird thing about this book, is that what I purchased contained the first two books (Witch & Curse), so the thing was pretty big. I only made it through Witch. Beyond that, I had no patience for the author or her poorly devised characters. It bounced around a lot and was pretty bizarre. People fell in love for no reason, and these crazy flashbacks were supposed to explain things, but only made the plot worse. Making me hate a book because of flashbacks was really quite a feat, considering LOST is one of my favorite shows (note the extensive use of flashbacks). Plus, a quarter of the book was in french, and they never tell you what it meant. Yes, I know, I could have translated it online, but then...I didn't really care. Did I mention the characters complained about everything? At least be funny if you are going to have your characters be lil bitches. Lastly, who the f*ck writes something into their book like this little gem? "My loins were on fire as my bride stood next to me." Yeah, I know out of context it sounds even worse (like maybe he should get some ointment or something), but believe me, it was just as ridiculous in the book itself.
3) Breaking Dawn, by Stephanie Meyer. The problem here was that I had certain expectations of what the story would be, and none of them (let me repeat NONE OF THEM) were met. This, was very disappointing. Things she did wrong in this book were many, and I'm not even sure there are enough hours in the day for my list to be complete. I'll just fill you in a few of the highlights that made me gag: fountain of blood, psychic babies, ridiculous pregnancies, no deaths, "imprinting" fail, and of course Bella (the whiniest character I have ever met, come on, you know you wanted to hit her. Hard). If I never have to see this book again, it will be a good day. I think what pissed me off the most was that Meyer made us care about some of these characters over the course of three books, then, she destroyed everything (and not in the fun literary way of physical torture, war and bombs). No, instead, she completely panzied out and wrote a fail book that really deserved the SMACK! it felt when it got thrown against my living room wall.
Ok, time for some happy thoughts with authors we enjoy!
1) Graceling, by Kristin Cashore. If you haven't picked up one of her novels, I HIGHLY suggest you start with this book. Her prose and style are utterly fantastic. You can tell that she has put a lot of time and passion into her books, and you will fall in love with all of the characters, I guarantee it. Unfortunately, I have nothing but praise for Kristin, because the blog she writes every week is just as awesome. I love her constant enthusiasm for writing, and the advice she gives. She is just about everything I strive to be when I write, though my prose will never match her genius (but that's ok, it takes all kinds, right?).
2) Shiver, by Maggie Stiefvater. At first, I wasn't sure if I wanted to read this, because the title weirded me out. I know, I know...but it did!! However, I am so glad I did read it, because the characters were so rich, and the relationships were so incredibly real. Once my pile of "to be read" is depleted, I fully intend on reading this one again.
3) Catching Fire, by Suzanne Collins. What I admire most about this series is that they are Young Adult novels, but they carry a serious message. They are written extremely well, and the characters come to life in your head. You don't want them to die (and of course some of them do, because it's about fighting to the death..duh), unlike some of the books previously mentioned. What I like best about these books is that the characters aren't lil bitches, sure they have faults, but those faults don't overshadow everything else into suck-i-tude.
So, what have we learned today? You probably learned that I dislike bitch characters with pansy authors. I learned that sometimes you have to kill, maim, and otherwise torture your characters until your story is as awesome as it can be. Another thing that helps is leaving out ridiculous phrases, like, hmmm...oh yeah! 'fountain of blood'
aha!
