I'm feeling inspired today. So, I have decided to list some of the worst titled movies or books ever and rename them (even if I haven't seen/read them). Why am I doing this? Well, one: I'm bored, two: because I can, three: haven't you always wanted to do it?
1) "The Human Stain" (2003) -- Poorly thought out. No, I haven't seen this movie, even though it looks like an awesome cast. I just...there is a picture in my head of what that the title means, and its rather immature, so I won't share. What would I rename it? Ch-ch-check it! "Anthony Hopkins Kills: Again".
2) "Free Willy" (1993) -- Mm. Somehow, this title reminds me of the above title....somehow. Enough said? Ok! New name: "Save The Whales Or They'll Eat You".
3) "The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford" (2007) -- Here is when you know you did wrong: when the blogger would rather google Brad Pitt and do copy/paste into the blog of your title than type it out. For Serious. Also, I don't care that it was based off a book with the same name or something, it's called creativity, try it. Or, you can take a look at another movie which gave away it's plot in the title with only a single word, "Titanic". But let's face it, this movie was kind of boring, and a little weird. So, we'll call it: "Why Did I Watch This If I Knew Brad Pitt Dies?"
4) "Sssssss" (1973) -- Apparently, this is a movie about snakes. I really hope no one got paid for it. Can you imagine trying to buy a ticket for this movie? You would totally sound like a dumb ass. So, we retitle this film, "If You Feel Like A Dumb ass, See This".
5) "The Day After Tomorrow" (2004) -- Now, the problem (that I have) with this title is this: there are two ways to interpret it. The first is the day after tomorrow, like today is Friday, tomorrow is Saturday, which means the day the title is talking about is Sunday. The other way is this... The Day After: Tomorrow. Now, this interpretation means Saturday...which would be the day after today...as in the destruction happens the day after today, or maybe its the destruction happens today and the world wakes up the day after (being tomorrow) and yells a collective WTF!? No one knows. Anyways, I guess its time to rename it...let me think for a moment. Ah, yes. "Crappy Fake Wolves and Cold Libraries Are Your Future After Tomorrow".
6) "Serenity" (2005) -- Don't kill me, I love this movie. However, you have to admit that most films of this genre tend to have spectacular names like Star Wars or Star Trek...epic stuff. This title could easily be mistaken for a debut film starring Serenity, the buxom blond with boobs the size of Texas. Anyways, a far more practical title could have been, "We're Kick Ass: Eat It Fox". But that's just me.
7) "Saving Private Ryan" (1998) -- Also a good movie. However, this is a nightmare for someone with Dyslexia. Let's call it, "Where The F#ck is Matt Damon".
8) "xXx" (2002) -- As previously made note of, you really can't just put several consonants together and expect us to applaud your title. Really, you can't. Don't get me wrong, this movie was definitely bad ass, but they probably could have called it "Fill Me Up With Diesel, Vin", and just as many people would have gone to see it.
9) "The Wiz" (1978) -- I have to pee. Never saw this one, and I don't think I will, because it makes me think of the best pee ever. You know what? Next time I'm drunk and I think I'm having the best pee ever, I'm going to actually name it The Wiz, yeah I am. For those of you who watch How I Met Your Mother, I name this "Tantrum".
10) "Jennifer's Body" (2009) -- Although this movie was actually pretty good, now that I have seen it, I'm not sure I understand the title. When I saw the previews, it all made sense, however, the title doesn't really apply. Well, sure Megan Fox is really hot, but the story isn't all about her body. No, it's not. Plus, when you had to buy a ticket, you were forced to say something like "I want to see Jennifer's body", or "one ticket to Jennifer's body"...and that just makes me feel like a perv. But really, I would have seen it if it was called "Megan Fox is F#cking Crazy". Ok, pretend you are buying a ticket now. "I'd like to see Megan Fox is f#cking crazy please." Yeah, I'd pay to see that.
And that completes the list! Of course there are others, like "Eegah" and "Gigli", which sound more like siblings than films, but whatevs. Just remember to give all your stories fabulous names so I don't make fun of them! It takes some time and maybe even some thought, but good titles are out there. Whether you go with a one word classic, a two word adjective/noun pair up, or a phrase worth a million bucks, never give up!
aha!
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