Never Say I Didn't Warn Ya

What the heck is going on? Have you looked at the news stories today? It's like the world is ending or something. Well, maybe not ending, but at least its going down the sh*tter.

First, I wake up and learn that Simon Cowell is leaving American Idol. I don't even watch that show, but I know that has to be some kind of sign. I don't need crop circles telling me that aliens are invading, I just look to who is judging American Idol. No Simon? No Paula? It's like something right out of the end of a Stephen King novel. If you didn't get that reference, I'll explain it to you. It's always aliens. Always.

Next, I go online and see that people are now calling Avatar racist. It's actually some weird backwards argument that makes sense in an alternate universe where FOX News is actually fair and balanced and mullets are never out of style. So, this of course means that people's minds are being invaded by ...yes, aliens. Cuz it's always aliens.

Then, I see a story titled, "Fla. Grandmother Forgotten In Jail for 15 Days". This poor 78 year old lady was arrested on traffic violations, handcuffed and thrown in jail for two weeks, didn't get to see a lawyer or anything. Personally, I'm not sure I should actually call her a "poor little old lady", she is probably an alien. Yeah, I bet she is. I just wonder if she was a good alien that was taken into custody wrongly or a bad alien that broke out wearing some grandmother's skin like a dress to prom night. Ew, why did I say that?

Now, I'm looking at a story about Sarah freakin' Palin being a contributor on FOX News, possibly making her debut appearance on Bill O'Reilly's laugh-a-lot-hour. What is happening, people? What is going on in the world?? Ugh. The only good thing to come of this will be the hilarious sound bytes that Keith Olberman will be able to use on a daily basis. I'm not sure how aliens factor into this one though. It can't be as simple as Palin is one of them, because really, would they want her?? No, that's a definite no. Perhaps she is harboring them in Alaska. Maybe they were the ones who told her she could see Russia from her house as a joke. Perhaps they are good natured aliens after all!! Well, at least they have a sense of humor.

Yup, basically these are all signs that the world is crashing down around us. I'm not saying that you will wake up tomorrow to find earthquakes and tornadoes destroying the world. I'm just saying that the aliens are here, and apparently Stephen King has been right all along. They are taking away our sanity slowly, so that in the end, they can wipe us out easily. All they needed was the destruction of a wildly popular reality series competition, the cutting down of the second highest grossing movie of all time, the disgusting neglect of an old woman, and Sarah Palin voicing her opinions.

Then again, this probably should have clued us in:

effing crop circles.

aha!