It Was So Biblical

No, I'm not really going to talk about "Law Abiding Citizen", I just really love that phrase from the movie. I'm going to write it here because I'll never be able to use anything of that nature in one of my novels. Why? Because it's cheese-tastic, and I, my friends, love the cheese. However, my significant otherly half is kind of lactose intolerant, so the cheese usually becomes tofu, or whatever.

But, there is something to be said about cheesy films and stories. There are a few that have a special place in my heart. Oh, a list?! Yes, a LIST!

1. "Waterworld" - one of the worst films of all time, yet I have watched it dozens of times. I believe I still have my VHS as well as a DVD. The best part of my trip to Universal Studios was seeing the Waterworld boat. I wanted to jump the fence and swim out to it. I'm not kidding. If my mother had not been there to restrain me, I would have done it. There really isn't anything wrong with the movie, except for its exceptionally awful dialogue, hole-ridden plot, and over-the-top acting by Dennis Hopper and co. I mean, come on, Kevin Costner drinks his own pee, what's not to like? This movie was so biblical because it was the end of the world, and people are still smoking...like a lot.

2. "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull" - I don't think many people liked this one but me. I have seen it a few times, and I even bought it. I don't really care about the aliens or whatever people said was "wrong with it". The only part I take issue with is the flying monkeys. That was awkward. But, besides that, I enjoyed it. I think I might have done a better job with aspects of it, but I was just happy to have more time with Indy. So y'all can suck it. This movie wasn't really biblical, well, because it was aliens and not Christian crap.

3. "The Last Unicorn" - that is one really f*cked up movie. It is animated, from the 80's I think. I loved it as a kid, but when I found it in some $5 section and bought it, then rewatched it, I realized this movie actually might be one of the legitimate reasons I'm so weird. I would never let my child watch this movie...ever. I mean, the unicorns are really pretty and everything, but between the molestation tree with boobs, the creepy witch people, the butterfly on crack and the strange traveling circus thingie, I don't know how I am as normal as I am. The strangeness is biblical. Watch it...if you dare.

4. "Newsies" -- wtf, I just saw this one on a worst-movies list. Um, guys. This movie features a young Christian Bale singing AND dancing. This is amazing. I don't care if its bad, some of the songs are actually kind of good and rather catchy. I mean, Batman is singing and dancing while sporting a New York accent in period clothing of the 20's. COME ON PEOPLE! This movie is biblical, and I have no idea how they got Christian Bale to do it. No idea. Maybe they tricked him. I bet they did. Thank God they did.

I am having trouble coming up with any others that I simply adore but other people hate (in vast numbers). Maybe it's just me having a bias, I don't know.

Now I feel like watching these movies. There isn't anything better than a lazy afternoon with a mutated Kevin Costner, Shia Labeouf swinging through the trees with monkeys, unicorns committing mass suicide, or a musical number featuring the talents of Christian Bale.

aha!