Flat Tires

Dear City of Chicago,

Valiant attempt at trying to get the Olympic Games. Truly. Seriously. lol, I'm kidding. This is after all, the Flat Tire award.

This past week, everyone around here has been so hyped up about how Chicago is going to win!! And how it will come down to Rio and us!! OMG!!! It's going to be so close!! We will surely get it!!

And then what happens? You get knocked out in the first round. I'd say that's a reality check. Not even the smooth talk of the Obamas can win you the Olympics, which makes me believe it will never happen. Which is fine. I, personally, don't want to pay more taxes and have a bajillion strangers within a half hour of where I live a few years from now. Can you imagine the traffic? Jesus Christ. It's already bad, but that would have been AWFUL. This just occurred to me as well...what about the construction? First of all, you would have never been ready by 2016 because it takes two years to pave a one mile road in Illinois. Yeah, that's right, I've kept track of these things. So trust me when I say that driving by construction in this state is like watching the grass grow. Phew!

I'm not sure what you were thinking with this bid, other than being distracted by the dollar signs floating above the idea. I mean, come on, were you really going to have tourists (more than usual) take thousands of pictures next to Big Willie? (AKA the Sears Tower). That's just embarrassing. Imagine their photo abulms.






(Our Time With the Biggest of all Willies! Look at Grandma Suzy smile, she hasn't seen a Willie this big since 1902!)


ugh...just saying...

Yeah yeah yeah. I know what you're thinking. But Sam! It would have been cool to have the Olympics in Chicago! I could have gone and seen Michael Freakin' PHELPS!!

...In that way, I share your pain. It would be nice to see some of the sports up close-but wait-I don't have that kind of money anyways! So whatever.

I do feel bad for all the people that gathered downtown today to watch the City get awarded the games on those Jumbotrons they set up. It's not sunny and it's not warm, and it rained all night. Welcome to Chicago, and it's failtastic ways of making uber amounts of t-shirts for things it never wins so they have to be given away for free and everyone loses more money.

Chicago, what were you thinking?

aha!