I Found the Fountain of Youth!! No Srsly... I did...

You'll never guess where it is either. Also? You're gonna have to wait until the end of this post to find out where it's located. Ok, wait, now you just scrolled down, so I changed my mind. Somewhere within this post lies the answer of where the fountain of youth is currently residing.

Yeah, I say currently because it changes, but at least I figured it out for the moment. Shhhh it's a secret.

The topic today is how to stay young. Now, I'm not talking about weird creams, pills or funky smelling foods DUN!. This all has to do with the mind, you know, the good old noggin. I can almost hear you saying, I AM NOT doing crosswords. My friends, I'm not going to tell you to do crosswords. Nope. Those things suck your soul away and make you cheat on them until you've only done 10% of it and the rest has been filled in by Google.

I'm not talking about taking meth DUN! either (it's all the rage apparently with the youngins). And I'm also not talking about shortening every word to AIM speak, even though I do that all the time, sry.

What I'm proposing is this: watching television. YES! It keeps you young (or at least it works for me!). However, you have to be picky, because not all kinds of television will work. PBS DUN!, for example, will give you gray hair. FOX News will ruin your blood pressure. Food Network will force you to cook everything in three pounds of butter (probably also ruining your blood pressure). CSPAN will get you so bored that your eyes will fall out of your skull in an attempt to have fun. And, let's face it, nobody watches the Weather Channel for more than two minutes a day, otherwise that crappy music could lay alien babies inside your ear drums and make you listen to that Jazz DUN! station, what's it called? 95.9?? I don't know, but it sucks.

No, the real secret to watching television has burrowed itself into the unlikeliest of places. The CW. DUN!

Crap, I shouldn't have written that DUN!, because now those of you who are skimming have seen it and won't read the rest. Oh wait. I have a fantastic idea. Hold on, I'll brb.

I'm back. That's right, I just went through the post so far and inserted random DUN!'s throughout it. Genius. Moving forward!!

Now, I don't really know what The CW stands for, and since in my world research means using Google images to look for--nevermind...--We'll call it The Colossal Wonder. If you haven't ever watched this channel, I HIGHLY suggest you start. Now, please, don't start giving me looks of superiority, I am unfazed by it. Besides, you're just jealous.

I did not discover said channel until my college years, and since then, it has become a staple of my weekly joy. I admit that I don't love every show on the network, and there is some seriously awful sh#t that is aired on there, but there is some awesome stuff as well. And you know what? It keeps me young. I giggle like a twelve-year-old when I watch those shows, and it feels fabulous. So, I won't apologize for my foul smelling television-watching practices, because your icky creams and weird organic food is just as bad.

There is also a supplement you can take if The Colossal Wonder doesn't do exactly what the little label says it's supposed to. Now, be careful when doing these kinds of things, because I don't want anyone receiving restraint orders or ending up on some perv-alert list. But, what you need to do is something along the lines of what I'm doing this weekend. That's right, I'm totally going to a Taylor Swift concert!

Yeah, I'm 23 years old, but I'm also awesome. And, if some 12 year old tries to slap me in the face with my age, all I have to do is pull out my CW knowledge and round house kick the sh#t out of 'em. Because, friends! I have found the fountain of youth!!


NOT IT

(let's face it, that just looks like a toilet)





"IT"

(bask in all it's glory)

aha!